Delivery Style: question and answer

Question and answer joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • A MILF Shake

    What’s the term for getting a handjob from a single mom?

    A MILF shake.

  • 45 Pounds vs 45 Minutes

    We all know the difference between a girlfriend and a wife is 45 pounds, but…

    Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
    A: 45 minutes.

    Q: What is the definition of “making love”?
    A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

    Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
    A: It’s not real bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.

    Q: What’s the difference between Pee-wee Herman and O.J.?
    A: It took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.

    Q: What does a Polish woman do after she sucks a cock?
    A: Spits out the feathers.

    Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
    A: Humpme Dumpme.

  • How Many Perverts Does It Take to Put in a Light Bulb and Other One-Liners

    How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
    Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

    What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
    “How come?”

    What’s the definition of a teenager?
    God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

    Did you hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
    They’ll never see you coming.

    What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
    S&M&M.

    What does Kodak film have in common with a condom?
    They both capture that special moment.

    Define Transvestite:
    A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

    Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
    The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

    What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
    A scrotum pole!

    What’s the ultimate in rejection?
    When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

    Why don’t debutantes go to orgies?
    There’d be too many thank you notes to write.

    What is every Amish woman’s private fantasy?
    Two Mennonite!

    Why is sex like a game of bridge?
    If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.

    Can you say three two letter words that denote small?
    Is it in?

    What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
    A bingo machine.

    What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
    One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

  • Oral Sex Makes Your Day

    Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

    A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

  • FAQ for Women About Men

    The following information was gained through much arduous research involving men and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. It consists of the most frequently asked questions of women (i.e. relationships, sex and life in general). All women who read this are encouraged to use the wisdom contained therein to change their behavior in accordance with the truths established below.

    Q: How do I know if I’m ready for sex?
    A: Ask your boyfriend. He’ll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they’re not as emotionally confused as women. It’s a proven fact.

    Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
    A: YES. Before if possible.

    Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
    A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.

    Q: How long should the sex act last?
    A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed. After you’ve finished making love, he’ll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don’t feel left out – while he’s gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He’ll come back when he’s ready.

    Q: What is “afterplay”?
    A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly energy. “Afterplay” is simply a list of important activities for you to do after lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.

    Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
    A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male penis measures about three inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and if by some chance your lover’s sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank your lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift.

    Q: What about the female orgasm?
    A: What about it? There’s no such thing. It’s a myth.

  • Last One There Gets a Rotten Egg

    Q: What did one sperm cell say to the other sperm cell?

    A: Last one there gets a rotten egg!

  • Drug Dealer vs. Hooker

    What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

    A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

  • A Blonde Doing a Handstand

    What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?

    A brunette with bad breath!

  • Quickies: Crude Jokes for Adults Only

    Quickies

    Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
    A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

    Q: What’s the difference between sin and shame?
    A: It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.

    Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?
    A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

    Q: What’s the ultimate rejection?
    A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

    Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
    A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, and moaning, “Lie to me!”

    Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
    A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

    Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
    A: K9P.

    Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
    A: “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”

    Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
    A: If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.

    Q: What’s another name for pickled bread?
    A: Dill-dough

    Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
    A: He heard the snowblower coming.

  • Sex Life Scored by Guessing Game Results

    Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points. If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience.

    Now please begin.

    “CLUES”

    1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

    2. I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts.

    3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I’m called a big swinger.

    4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn’t maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open.

    5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

    6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole.

    7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.

    8. All day long, it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me.

    9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard.

    10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news.

    11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off.

    12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

    13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it.

    Answers:

    1. nose
    2. peanut butter
    3. crane
    4. Titanic
    5. tent
    6. dentist
    7. wedding ring
    8. elevator
    9. chewing gum
    10. newspaper boy
    11. glove
    12. arrow
    13. attorney