A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The bartender says, “Interesting pet. What’s his name?”
“Tiny,” the guy says.
“Why Tiny?” the bartender asks.
“Because he’s my newt.”
Setup-punchline joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
An old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I can’t stop farting. They’re silent with no smell, but I’ve let out 20 in the past five minutes sitting here.”
The doctor gives her some pills and tells her to come back next week.
The next week, the old lady comes back and says, “Doc, I took the pills. The farts are still silent, but now they stink!”
The doctor says, “Great! We’ve cleared your sinuses. Now let’s work on your hearing!”
What’s the difference between a golf ball and a Land Rover?
Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball over 300 yards.
A Chicago mob boss needed someone to collect protection money without talking to the police.
With cops watching closely, he had an idea.
“Get me someone who can’t talk. That way, if he gets picked up, he can’t talk to the cops.”
They bring in Pete — a big bloke who looks mean as hell. He doesn’t speak and communicates only in sign language.
By the end of the week, Pete has collected $50,000.
Then he disappears.
The boss sends two goons. They track Pete down easily, but he just stares at them, expressionless.
So they drag him to an interpreter.
One of the goons says, “Ask him where the money is.”
The interpreter signs it.
Pete shrugs and signs back, “No idea what you’re talking about.”
The interpreter says, “He says he doesn’t know anything.”
The goon pulls out a gun and presses it to Pete’s head.
“Ask him again.”
The interpreter hesitates, then signs again.
Pete immediately folds.
“Alright! It’s in Central Park, under a tree stump near 78th Street!”
The interpreter turns back to the goons and says, “He says he doesn’t know anything — and he thinks you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”
My wife said, “I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis.”
I replied, “That’s 15-love.”