Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
I came home and found my wife in bed with my best friend!
She was stroking him, and he was licking her!
I did what any red-blooded man would do under such circumstances.
I rolled up a newspaper, bopped him on the nose with it, and yelled:
“Bad dog! BAD dog!”
I was reminiscing with an old school friend the other day.
I said, “Do you remember when the sun would rise in the morning and set in the evening?”
He said, “Ahhh, those were the days…”
A woman places an ad for a husband: Must not lay a hand to me, must not run around on me, and must be good in bed.
A couple of days later the doorbell rings and she answers the door.
Sitting on her porch is a man in a wheelchair with no arms nor legs.
She says, “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood the ad.”
The man asks, “Why? I have no arms, so I won’t lay a hand to you, and I have no legs, so I won’t run around on you.”
The woman replies, “But the ad also said you had to be good in bed.”
The man says, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
Two blondes are trying to estimate the height of a flagpole.
A builder walks past and they explain their problem. He says, “That’s simple, ladies, watch this.”
He unbolts it, lies it flat and measures it. One blonde says to the other blonde, “What a DICK, need to know the height not the fkn length.”
Two young boys walk into a pharmacy, pick out a box of tampons, and take them to the checkout.
The pharmacist looks at the older boy.
“How old are you, son?”
“Eight.”
“Do you know what these are used for?”
“Not exactly,” the boy replies. “They’re not for me. They’re for my brother. He’s four.”
“Oh, really?” the pharmacist asks.
“Yeah. We saw on TV that if you use these, you can swim, play tennis, and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do any of those.”
My bank recently called me to let me know I had an outstanding balance.
I said, “Thanks, I used to do gymnastics,” and hung up the phone.
That was nice of them.
