Format: dialogue

Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Damn Autocorrect

    A man received the following text from his neighbor:

    “I am so sorry, Bob. I’m riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been using your wife for many weeks now. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I hope you will accept my sincerest apology and my promise that it won’t happen again.”

    The heartbroken man, enraged, went into his bedroom, grabbed his wife, and threw her out the back door. Then he locked the door. A few moments later, a second text came in:

    “Damn autocorrect. I meant WiFi, not wife.”

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  • Small World on the Golf Course

    Two guys are flying along the golf course, trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but they run into two terrible lady golfers on the 13th hole, who are playing painfully slow!

    The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?”

    The second guy walks ahead, and gets about 50 yards from the terrible twosome, before quickly turning and coming back.

    The first guy says, “What’s wrong?”

    The second guy says, “You’re not gonna believe this, but the woman in the pink is my wife, and the one in yellow is my mistress.”

    The first guy says, “Wow, that’s not good. Let me give it a try.”

    So the first guy gets about halfway there, stops in his tracks, turns and comes back, too.

    The second guy says, “What’s wrong?”

    The first guy says, “It’s a small world!”

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  • Fart Football

    An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, “Seven points.”

    His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The old man replied, “It’s fart football.”

    A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

    After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, “Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.”

    Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

    Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, “Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.” Now the pressure is on for the old man.

    He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

    Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

    The wife says, “What the hell was that?”

    The old man says, “Half time, switch sides.”

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  • Increasing the GDP

    Two businessmen were walking down the street, when one of them spots a pile of dog shit on the ground.

    Being bored, he tells the other guy, “Hey, if you eat that, I’ll give you $10k right now.”

    Naturally, he plugs his nose and eats it. As promised, the first one pulls $10k out of his wallet and hands it over. It’s a big wallet, I guess.

    A mile later, they spot another pile. This time, the second businessman tells the first, “$10k to eat that right now!”

    Of course, the first one takes the deal. Easy money, right?

    They continue walking, and after a moment, the first one says, “You know, it occurs to me we both just ate dog shit, and we’re not a penny richer.”

    After a moment, the second one replies, “Yes, but we increased the GDP by $20k.”

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  • Cleaning Up With Change

    A hunter from the East goes hunting out West in Wyoming.

    He hires a guide and the next day they get up bright and early and begin their adventure. At some point the hunter has to use a commode.

    He says to his guide, “Man, I really have to use the restroom. Where is it?”

    The guide cracks up laughing. “Are you serious? We’re in the middle of Wyoming and you’re asking where the restroom is?”

    “Well it’s kinda an emergency,” the hunter says.

    The guide says, “You just hang your ass over that log over there. We’re roughing it today, Sport!”

    So the hunter does his business but realizes there is no toilet paper, so he asks his guide, “What do I use to clean up with?”

    The guide says, “You got a dollar?”

    The hunter says, “I do.”

    The guide says, “Just use that!”

    The hunter comes back with poop all over himself. He was a disgusting mess.

    The guide says, “What the hell, man. What happened to you?”

    The hunter says, “You try cleaning yourself up with three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel!”

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  • It’s Hard to Say

    I told my wife I absolutely love Worcestershire sauce.

    She asked what’s so special about it.

    “It’s hard to say,” I answered.

  • The Blue Silk Pajamas

    A man calls home to his wife and says:

    “Honey, I’ve been invited to go fishing in Scotland with my boss and some of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week.

    This is a great chance for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so could you pack me enough clothes for a week, set out my rod and tackle box, and I’ll swing by the house to pick everything up.

    Oh, and please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”

    The wife thinks it sounds a little fishy, but being a good wife, she does exactly as he asked.

    The following weekend he returns home a bit tired but otherwise in good spirits.

    The wife asks, “Did you catch many fish?”

    “Loads,” he says. “Salmon, brown trout, a few pike. But why didn’t you pack my blue silk pajamas like I asked?”

    The wife replies, “I did. They were in your tackle box.”

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  • He’s Deaf

    Doc: I have bad news and really bad news… the bad news is your baby is just an ear… a 6-pound 5-ounce baby ear. No arms or legs or head… just an ear.

    But that’s not the worst part…. He’s DEAF!

  • The Frat Bro and the Nuns

    Two frat bros are walking along when they see a group of nuns walking up the opposite side of the street.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    After a little bit of a ruckus, one of the young men runs across the road and approaches the nuns.

    “Excuse me, are you the head nun?” he asks the lead nun sheepishly.

    “Yes, my son. I am the Mother Superior of the convent. What can I do for you?” she replies with a curious grin.

    “Well ma’am, I have a strange question. But, umm, are any of your nuns midgets?” he spits out. Seeing her shocked face, he continues. “You know, maybe a dwarf, pygmy, something like that?”

    “My son,” she calmly states, “we would welcome anyone into our convent, regardless of stature. But no, we currently have no sisters that are little people.”

    And with that the frat bro turns to his buddy, who is still on the other side of the road, and hollers, “Hey Gary, I told you ya fucked a penguin last night!”

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  • The Big Ass Grill

    A husband is out in the backyard with his wife, who is busy gardening.

    He’s feeling a bit mischievous and says, “You know, honey, your butt is getting so big, it’s starting to look like that BBQ grill over there.”

    The wife ignores him and keeps weeding. Later that night in bed, the husband starts making some romantic advances. His wife completely brushes him off and rolls over.

    “What’s wrong?” he asks, surprised.

    She replies, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?”

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