Me: Suspect is dancing naked through downtown
Dispatch: Copy that
Me: I’ll try but I’m not much of a dancer
Format: dialogue
Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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She Can Only Fasten 8
The teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Mary said, “My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate’.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8.”
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Riveting
So, what do you do for work?
I drill holes in sheets of metal.
Then I use metal pins to connect said sheets of metal.
Riveting…
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Who Fucks the Stork
Two-year-old little Johnnie was being bounced up and down on his grandad’s knee when he suddenly asked, “Gwandad, where do babies come fwom?”
Grandad was a bit shocked and thought a bit: he then said, “Why my boy, they come from the stork.”
After about two minutes little Johnnie said, “Gwandad… who fucks the stork?”
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Blind Man Husband Home
It’s my first time with a blind man!
You’ll like it!
Dear god! My husband is home! Hide under the bed!
Honey! You’re home early!
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Tooth Fairy Wood Coins
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
Child: The Tooth Fairy left me three dollars!
Me: When I was a kid the Tooth Fairy would leave us coins.
Child: Were they made of wood?
Me:
Child:
Me: The Tooth Fairy isn’t real.
5:36 AM · 7/26/20 · Twitter for iPad
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Constipation Movie Carl
CARL, HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE MOVIE CONSTIPATION?
DAD…
I SAID, HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT IT, CARL
SIGH….NO
IT NEVER CAME OUT, CARL
CARL, IT NEVER CAME OUT.
I HATE YOU DAD
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Deaf Gang Signs
Him: I try to talk and she just mumbles and throws up gang signs
Her: *signals* I’m deaf
