Back in my day we listened to music on CDs
What are CDs, grandma?
CDs nuts
Format: dialogue
Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Rabbi’s Advice
A guy goes to his rabbi to ask his advice.
“Rabbi, I have a court case next week. What should I wear? Should I wear shabby clothes and hope the judge has pity on me, or should I wear my best suit, give some money to the judge and say, ‘You look after me and I’ll look after you’?”
“Well, my son. You remember how my daughter got married only last week? So, the night before, she came to me with a question: ‘What should I wear that night? The short, see-through negligee my sister gave me, or the long thick nightie mother gave me?’”
“And the answer I gave her is the answer I give you: It doesn’t matter what you wear — you’re going to get fucked.”
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Prostate Exam
Dr: you need to stop masturbating
Me: for how long?
Dr: at least until I finish your prostate exam
Me: fair enough
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Dry Lips Hurt When You Walk
Her: My lips are so dry
Him: Doesn’t that hurt when you walk?
Her: What?
Him: What?
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The Bloody Canoe
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are exploring the deepest part of the Amazon jungle. One day, a savage tribe of cannibals captures the trio and they’re brought before the chieftain.
“Trespassing is punishable by death for white devils,” the chieftain says in passable English. “But your skin will make some fine canoes for us. However, you can all have one request fulfilled to the best of our ability to do so!”
The Englishman nods, accepting his fate. “I don’t suppose you have a telephone out here so I can call home?”
“Yes, we have taken many of these things from interlopers,” says the chieftain.
Surprised, he dials his wife. “Hello my dear, I’m afraid I won’t be coming home. Terribly sorry. My love to the kids.”
He closes his eyes, is killed, and they begin taking his skin and meat for meals.
The Scotsman gulps. “I really could do with a drink — whiskey if you have any, so I won’t feel it.”
The chieftain snaps his fingers and a tribesman brings out a crate of whiskey. The Scotsman immediately begins getting drunk, downing bottle after bottle until he falls asleep, and he too is killed. They make preparations to turn him into meals and a canoe with his skin.
The Irishman says, “Umm… do you have a fork?”
Puzzled, the chief commands a tribesman to give him a fork, and before anybody could react, the Irishman begins stabbing himself all over his body.
“You’re not turning me into a bloody canoe, ye bastards!”
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Three Tough Rats
Three rats were sitting around talking. The subject turned to how tough they were.
The first rat said, “Want to know how tough I am? You know the traps they set out for us? I undo the latch and work out with them.”
The second rat said, “Want to know how tough I am? You know the poison pellets they set out for us? I chop ’em up with a razor blade and snort it.”
The third rat starts to leave, and the other two ask him where he’s going.
The third rat replied, “I’m going upstairs to fuck the cat.”
