Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
Three nuns on a monthly trip to the city to sell goods from the convent’s garden got hit by a drunk driver and killed. They all went to heaven where they were met by St. Peter at the gate.
St. Peter, seeing that they were nuns, told them, “Well, ladies, seeing that you are all religious types, we’ll have to administer a little admissions test before letting you in. Nothing to worry about. Only one question.”
St. Peter asks the first nun, “OK, your question is: Who was the first man on earth?”
The nun replies, “Oh, that’s easy. It was Adam.”
Lights flash. Horns blow. The gates open wide and she was let in.
St. Peter then asks the second nun, “OK, your question is: Who was the first woman on earth?”
The nun replies, “Oh, that’s easy. It was Eve.”
And again, lights flash. Horns blow. The gates open wide and she was let in.
St. Peter then tells the third nun, “Well, you ladies are really on top of things. I’ll have to think of a more difficult question. Oh, I have it. Your question is: What was the first thing Eve said to Adam when she saw him?”
The third nun gets a rather confused look on her face, begins scratching her head and finally replies, “Gee, that’s a hard one.”
Lights flash. Horns blow. The gates open wide and she was let in.
After God created Adam, Adam came to God and said, “You created all the animals and each one has a mate, but I’m alone. Can you create me one also?”
God replied, “Well Adam, I can create a mate for you. It will be the crown of my creation, someone who will serve you, and your every need and desire. The most beautiful and loving creature. She will take care of you always, and give you all the respect that is deserving of you. The only thing is, it will cost you an arm and a leg.”
Adam thought for a second and said, “That’s a bit steep, what can I get for a rib?”
A guy finds an old lamp in the desert. He rubs it and a genie pops out. The genie tells the guy he has two wishes.
The guy says, “I always thought it was three wishes.”
The genie says, “Check your pants.”
The guy looks down and says, “Woah, it’s huge!”
And the genie says, “I’ve been doing this for a long time.”
Guy pulls up to a gas station, and the attendant notices there are 5 penguins in the back seat.
Attendant says, “WTF — you have 5 penguins in your back seat.”
“I KNOW!” the guy says. “They jumped in at the light, and now I don’t know what to do.”
Attendant thinks for a second and says, “I’ll tell you what I’d do — I’d take them to the zoo.”
“That’s a great idea!” says the driver.
A week later, same driver pulls in with the same 5 penguins, only now they’re wearing sunglasses.
“What are you doing — I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!” exclaims the attendant.
“We did go! We had a great time! Today we’re going to the beach!”
A guy went to a supermarket to buy 2 tomatoes.
At the checkout, the clerk said, “That’ll be $20.”
The guy was upset. “Two tomatoes for $20? Are you out of your mind?!”
The clerk said, “That’s the price, you want them or not?”
The guy said, “I don’t want them, and you know what you can do with them?”
The clerk said, “I can’t, there’s already a $10 cucumber there.”
A woman went to the doctor and said, “I’m getting too much discharge.”
The doctor said, “Pop your knickers off and slip onto the bed.”
He put on his latex gloves and slipped 2 fingers into her vagina.
“How does that feel?” he asked.
“Fucking lovely,” she replied. “But the discharge is in my ear.”
A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives…
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The first guy answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”
The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture I showed is his side profile.”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The second guy smiles, flips his hair, and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”
The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “The suspect wears contact lenses.”
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
“Well, that’s an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.” He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file on his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it. It’s TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”
“That’s easy,” the third guy replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”
Sally, Billy Ray’s wife, pregnant with her first child, was at her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she said, “My husband wants me to ask you…”
“I know, I know,” the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.”
“No, that’s not it at all,” Sally answered. “Billy Ray wants to know if I can still mow the yard.”
