Format: dialogue

Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Grandpa’s Cookies

    He says, “Gramps, can I have a puff?” Grandpa replies, “Can your dick touch your asshole?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “No…”

    “Well, you can’t have any.”

    Later, the little boy sees his Grandpa drinking beer and asks, “Can I have a swig?” Grandpa replies again, “Can your dick touch your asshole?”

    “No…”

    “Well, you can’t have any.”

    The boy goes into the kitchen and is eating cookies when his Grandpa walks in.

    “Can I have a cookie?” asks Grandpa.

    “Can your dick touch your asshole?”

    Grandpa says, “As a matter of fact, it can!”

    The little boy replies, “Well then, you can go fuck yourself. These are MY cookies.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • A Visit To The Doctor

    Woman: “Doc, I’m farting constantly! No smell and no sound. Since I came in, I must have farted at least 20 times. I bet you never noticed?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Doctor: “I got it, I got it. I’ll write you a prescription for some medicine. Come back next week.”

    A week later:

    Woman: “Doc, what the hell did you give me? Now my farts are still silent, but they reek like hell!!”

    Doctor: “Perfect! Your stuffy nose is all better. Now we just need to take care of your hard of hearing.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • A Radio Conversation At Sea

    Actual transcript of a U.S. naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.

    U.S. Ship: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.”

    Canadians: “Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.”

    U.S. Ship: “This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.”

    Canadians: “No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.”

    U.S. Ship: “THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE.”

    Canadians: “This is a lighthouse. Your call.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • At The Dentist

    Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Patient: “OK.”

    Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Choosing A Wife

    A man has three girlfriends but didn’t know which one to marry. As a test, he decided to give each woman $5,000 to see how they would spend it.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The first girlfriend went out and got herself a total makeover. She told him, “I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much.”

    The second girlfriend went shopping and got the man new golf clubs, an iPad, and an 80-inch flat-screen TV. She said, “I got these gifts for you because I love you so much.”

    The third girlfriend took the $5,000, invested it in the stock market, doubled her investment, returned the $5,000, and reinvested the rest. She said, “I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much.”

    The man thought long and hard about how each of his girlfriends had spent the money, and then he decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Two Nuns On A Country Road

    Late one night, two nuns were driving a minivan down a dark country road. All of a sudden, a dark shadow flew past the van. The nun driving said to the other nun, “Did you see that?!” “See what?!” “The shadow that flew past?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    They kept driving down the road when the same shadow flew past. “Did you see it that time?!” said the first nun.

    “I did, I did!” replied the second nun.

    They continued to drive down the road, frightened of what the shadow was when, all of a sudden, BANG! A vampire had landed on the hood of the minivan. “What should we do?” said the second nun.

    “Show him your cross!” replied the other nun.

    So the second nun gets out of the van, goes up to the vampire, and says, “GET OFF THE FUCKING HOOD!!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • The Wi-Fi Password

    Me: “What’s the Wi-Fi password?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    My friend: “Blow me first.”

    Me: “Alright.”

    Later, me: “So… what’s the Wi-Fi password?”

    My friend: “blowmefirst, no caps, no spaces.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Take Your Kids To Work Day

    An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her dad on “Take Your Kids to Work Day.” As they were walking around, the little girl started crying and getting very cranky. Her father asked what was wrong with her.

    As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly, “Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Three Men In A Soviet Bar

    Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, “Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?”

    The other says, “Because he was afraid of capitalism.”

    The whole bar died laughing.

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Three Men In A Soviet Bar

    Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, “Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?”

    The other one says, “Because he was afraid of capitalism.”

    The whole bar died laughing.

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail