Format: narrative

Narrative comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Johnny Uses ‘Urinate’ in a Sentence

    Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher was going through a list of words to have each student use in a sentence.

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    As she got closer to Johnny, she began to regret her decision. His word was “urinate,” and she really didn’t want to give it to him.

    The teacher asked, “Who wants the next one?”

    Little Johnny’s hand was waving in the air while no one else responded.

    Defeated, the teacher said, “Okay, Johnny, your word is ‘urinate.’”

    Little Johnny thought for a moment, then said, “My dad says you’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten.”

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  • My Husband’s Home!

    Dave pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”

    The bartender asked, “What makes you say that?”

    Dave beamed with pride. “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work.”

    “She was so thrilled to have me around that every time a mailman or delivery guy came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

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  • Toast the bride and groom

    Two slices of bread got married.
    The wedding was amazing, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.

  • Nope — I Slept With Your Wife

    A man walks into a bar.

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    The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”

    The man replies, “I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I’ve decided I’m going to drink myself to death.”

    The bartender looks shocked and says, “I’m sorry, I can’t help you kill yourself.”

    The man asks, “Well, what would you do in my situation?”

    The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says, “If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife, I wouldn’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. I’d kill the guy.”

    The man jumps up from his stool and shouts, “That’s a great idea! Thanks!” Then he runs out of the bar.

    A couple of hours go by, and the bartender starts to get nervous. Then the man walks back in with a smile on his face.

    “Did you kill the guy?” the bartender asks nervously.

    “Nope,” the man says. “I slept with your wife. Whiskey, please.”

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  • The Rooster and the Peacock

    On Easter morning, a rooster wakes up and notices brightly colored eggs scattered all around the chicken coop and yard.

    He looks at the hens nesting, thinks for a minute, then runs across the barnyard and beats the shit out of the peacock.

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  • Now they have cameras everywhere

    When I was young, you could go to the grocery store with two dollars in your pocket and come out with a loaf of bread, two dozen eggs, and a pound of butter.
    Now, they have cameras everywhere.

  • The Three Stages of Marital Sex

    A young man is getting ready for his wedding with his dad’s help.

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    While dressing, the dad says, “So you’re okay on the sex thing, right, son?”

    “Yeah, sure, Dad. It’s all cool.”

    The dad continues, “So you’re familiar with the three stages of marital sex, are you?”

    “The three what?! Whatever, Dad. I got it!”

    “No, really,” says the dad. “There are three stages of marital sex.”

    “Okay, Dad. I’ll bite. What’s the story?”

    The dad says, “There’s honeymoon sex, holiday sex, and hallway sex.

    Honeymoon sex is what you would expect – you and your wife can’t get enough of each other. You’re constantly going at it.

    But as life gets busy with kids, careers, and bills, the holiday sex stage takes over. You really only have time to get intimate on special occasions.

    Then, finally, you reach the stage of hallway sex.”

    “What’s that?” the son asks.

    “Well, basically, that’s when you and your wife pass each other in the hallway and say, ‘Fuck you.’”

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  • A Long Time — We’re Buildin’ a Garage

    A couple of rednecks pull into a lumberyard. One goes in and asks the clerk for some four-by-twos.

    “You mean two-by-fours?” the clerk asks.

    The redneck says, “I’ll go check.”

    He goes back to the car, asks his buddy, and returns a minute later.

    “Yeah, two-by-fours will be fine,” he tells the clerk.

    “All right,” says the clerk. “And how long?”

    “Just a minute,” says the redneck, and heads back out to the car.

    A minute later he comes back and says, “A long time. We’re buildin’ a garage.”

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  • Who Ate the Cleaner?

    Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation.

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    “Well,” says the boss, “if I hire you guys, you have to promise not to eat any of our staff.”

    The cannibals promise they won’t eat anyone, and they get hired.

    Everything goes well for a while, until one day the boss calls them into his office.

    “You’re working well and all, but we’re missing an office cleaner. Do you have something to do with that?”

    The cannibals swear they’re innocent.

    The boss believes them and leaves the office.

    Their leader turns to the others and screams, “You idiots! Who ate the cleaner?”

    One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand.

    “You fool!” shouts the leader.

    “For weeks we’ve been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers, and human resources staff — and then you go and eat someone they’ll actually miss!”

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  • Tell That to Mrs. Coolidge

    It’s said that President and Mrs. Coolidge were invited to visit a Department of Agriculture station that was working on ways to improve farming. Two agents guided them separately.

    When Mrs. Coolidge was brought to the chicken yard, she noticed a rooster doing his duty. She asked how many times the rooster could provide service per day and was told dozens of times.

    She replied, “Tell that to the President when he comes by.”

    Later, when the President was informed of that fact, he asked, “Same hen every time?”

    He was told, “No, a different hen every time.”

    He responded, “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”

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