What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Format: question and answer
Question and answer comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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A Blonde Doing a Handstand
What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?
A brunette with bad breath!
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Quickies: Crude Jokes for Adults Only
Quickies
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.Q: What’s the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.Q: What’s the ultimate rejection?
A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, and moaning, “Lie to me!”Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A: K9P.Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A: If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.Q: What’s another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-doughQ: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming. -
The Clapper and the Mime
Does the Clapper still turn the lights on if a mime is doing the clapping?
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Sex Life Scored by Guessing Game Results
Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points. If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience.
Now please begin.
“CLUES”
1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
2. I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts.
3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I’m called a big swinger.
4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn’t maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open.
5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole.
7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.
8. All day long, it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me.
9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard.
10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news.
11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off.
12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it.
Answers:
1. nose
2. peanut butter
3. crane
4. Titanic
5. tent
6. dentist
7. wedding ring
8. elevator
9. chewing gum
10. newspaper boy
11. glove
12. arrow
13. attorney -
Dirty Medical Humor: Adult Jokes Collection
Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It’s what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.Q: What do you call a Florida gynecologist?
A: A spreader of old wives’ tails…Q: Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
A: They have shaky hands!Q: What do you call a female midget who’s nice and gives head?
A: Short, sweet, and to the point!Q: What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater?
A: An armadildo.Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A: No one to talk to during orgasm.Q: What do Lifesavers do that a man can’t?
A: Come in eight flavors.Q: What was the first obscenity ever heard on T.V.?
A: “Ward, weren’t you a little hard on the Beaver last night?”Q: Do you know why it’s called sex?
A: Because it’s easier to spell than Uhhhhh..oooohh…Ahhhhhh….AIIEEEEEEE!!!Q: What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?
A: Gladiator! (Glad he ate her)Q: If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have?
A: Divorce proceedings, most likely.Q: If you go to bed 9 hours before you have to wake up, and your wife wants to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?
A: 8 hours, 59 minutes – who cares what she wants!Q: What do you do in case of fallout?
A: Put it back in and take shorter strokes!Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: In case you miss. -
Dirty Riddles and Cheeky One-Liners
How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
“How come?”What’s the definition of a teenager?
God’s punishment for enjoying sex.Did you hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
They’ll never see you coming.What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
S&M;&M.;What does Kodak film have in common with a condom?
They both capture that special moment.Define Transvestite:
A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A scrotum pole!What’s the ultimate in rejection?
When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.Why don’t debutantes go to orgies?
There’d be too many thank you notes to write.What is every Amish woman’s private fantasy?
Two Mennonite!Why is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.Can you say three two letter words that denote small?
Is it in?What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year. -
Makes Your Day
Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
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Mattresses Prefer Overweight People
Why do mattresses prefer overweight people?
They leave a big impression.
