If your girlfriend starts smoking….
…slow down, and use a lubricant.
Format: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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A Complete Guess But I Was Right
My friend asked me what the ninth letter of the alphabet was.
It was a complete guess, but I was right.
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You Already Know How to Play Tennis
My wife walked in on me watching Internet porn so I quickly switched to a YouTube video on tennis.
As she left the room she said, “Turn it back to the porn, you already know how to play tennis.”
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Learn to Write With Your Other Hand
A teacher sternly informs her class that no excuse, from a papercut to the plague, is acceptable for missing a final exam.
When students suggest scenarios like car issues or roadblocks, she tells them to walk or find a detour.
Finally, a student asks what to do in the case of “extreme sexual exhaustion”?
To which the teacher deadpans, “You’ll just have to learn to write with your other hand.”
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Cunning Stunts
What’s the difference between a magician’s wand and a policeman’s taser?
The magician’s wand is for cunning stunts.
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Not Pay Off My Student Debt
A college student is walking on the beach when he finds a magic lamp with a genie inside.
So the college student says, “I want to be the richest man in the world.”
The genie snaps his fingers and responds, “Sure. You now have a billion dollars.”
The college student frowns and says, “That’s great and all, but I said the richest man in the world, not pay off my student debt.”
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Rollerblades in Heaven
Three guys die in a car crash and are standing at heaven’s gates to get in.
The first guy walks up to the gates. The angel says, “How many times have you cheated on your wife?” He replies, “I’ve never cheated on my wife.” The angel says, “Here are the keys to your Mercedes-Benz. Take them, drive through the gate, and have everlasting happiness.”
The second guy walks up to the gates. The angel says, “How many times have you cheated on your wife?” He replies, “Two, maybe three times.” The angel says, “Here are the keys to your Honda Civic. Take them, drive through the gates, and have everlasting happiness.”
The third guy walks up to the gates. The angel says, “How many times have you cheated on your wife?” He says, “Oh God, I have no clue, I can’t remember.” The angel says, “Here are the keys to your Ford Pinto. Take them, drive through the gates, and have everlasting happiness.”
Later on, the second and the third guy come across the first guy who never cheated on his wife. And he’s sitting on the hood of his car crying. They said, “What’s wrong? You have a beautiful car, you’re in heaven, and you have everlasting happiness. Why are you crying?”
He replied, “I just saw my wife go by on a pair of rollerblades.”
