Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
Two retired New York businessmen run into each other in Florida.
After the usual greetings, the second one asked the first guy, “What happened to your business?” The first guy answers, “Competition started eating into my profits. There was a fire that destroyed the business so I decided to take the insurance money and retire. What about your business?” The second guy says, “Similar to you but I had a flood destroy my business.” The first man asks, “How do you arrange a flood?”
A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist’s Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more.
“Can you give me some more details on this job?” he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, “The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they’re ready for the examination. There’s an annual salary of $75,000, but you’re going to have to go to Perth – other side of the country.”
The man says, “Oh, is that where the job is?”
The clerk says, “No sir. That’s where the end of the line is right now.”
A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain. Her golf pro saw her coming to the clubhouse and asked, “Why are you back so early?”
“I was stung by a bee,” she said.
“Where?” he asked.
“Between the first and second hole,” she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said, “Then your feet were too far apart.”
Billy Ray was hired to paint the yellow stripes on the highway. His first day he painted 10 miles.
The second day he only painted 5. His boss, seeing how he was getting slower, decided to give him a day off, thinking that he needed a rest. When he came back the next day, he only painted 1/2 mile.
His now discouraged boss came up to him one day and said, “Excuse me, but why have you been painting less and less each day, even after I gave you a day off?”
“Simple,” Billy Ray answered, “I’ve been getting farther away from the paint can!”
A woman goes to the dentist and asks, “How much to pull two wisdom teeth?”
The dentist says, “$100.”
She replies, “That’s too much. Can’t you do it for less?”
The dentist says, “I can do it for $50 if I skip the anesthetic.”
“Still too much,” she says. “Any cheaper?”
The dentist says, “I could let my trainee do it for $20, but she’s never pulled a tooth before and it would be quite painful.”
“Perfect,” the woman says. “Schedule my husband for next week.”
A primary school teacher said to a lady, “Madam, I’m sorry to tell you that in class, your son is copying from his classmate.”
The lady asks, “Why do you say that?”
The teacher replies, “Well, he and his neighbor make the same mistakes.”
The lady says, “Ah, but it may be his classmate is copying from him!”
The teacher replies, “No, because on an assignment they were asked where the island of Montreal is. His classmate wrote, ‘I don’t know,’ and your son wrote, ‘Me neither.’”
Three women got into a car accident. They all died. When they got to the gates of heaven, a saint stopped them and said, “There is only one rule in heaven – don’t step on the holy ducks.” They nodded and the saint let them through. Entering heaven, to their surprise, there were ducks everywhere.
“Holy duck!” one of them exclaimed.
They all tried their best not to step on one, but the number of ducks was unreal. Two days later, one of them stepped on a duck. The same saint appeared, bringing along the ugliest man that her eyes had witnessed. The saint said, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is being tied to this man for the rest of eternity,” and walked away.
Two weeks later, a second woman also stepped on a duck. The same saint appeared and she got the same punishment.
The remaining one, seeing the fates of her friends, got super careful. She managed to go months without stepping on one. Then one day, the saint appeared again, bringing with him the most beautiful man describable, and tied them together without saying anything and left.
The woman was staring at her new man. The man said, “What?”
The woman said, “I wonder what I did to deserve being tied to such a handsome man.”
The man sighed and replied, “Well, I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck.”
