I despise it when those jerk perverts call and wake you up in the middle of the night, talk dirty for a few minutes, then hang up. Slow down, Speedy — give a girl time to catch up!
Format: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Lysol says there are lots of germs on my hand soap pump.
Lysol says there are lots of germs on my hand soap pump. But how the hell am I supposed to remember to wash my hands whenever I touch it?
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You had me until “Hello.”
You had me until “Hello.”
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When I’m pondering existentialism, I always lean my head sideways so I look like a
When I’m pondering existentialism, I always lean my head sideways so I look like a *gangster* philosopher.
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That expression, “Is that a banana in your pocket or are you happy to see me?”
That expression, “Is that a banana in your pocket or are you happy to see me?” seems like a terrible waste of time. If it’s THAT big, who really cares?
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Everyone was pretty stoked when we announced we were getting the band back together, but
Everyone was pretty stoked when we announced we were getting the band back together, but the next task was figuring out who had a garage big enough for the 74 of us to march in.
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Some days you get the bull, others you get the horn.
Some days you get the bull, others you get the horn. Just hope you’re not the guy who gets the horny bull.
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If I were Superman, I think I’d just fight for truth, justice and the Canadian way.
If I were Superman, I think I’d just fight for truth, justice and the Canadian way. That seems easier. All I’d ever have to do is break up an occasional hockey fight, and make sure criminals say everything twice. Once in English, and then again in French.
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On the one hand, I’m sad my wife figured out how to turn her old electric toothbrush
On the one hand, I’m sad my wife figured out how to turn her old electric toothbrush into a vibrator. On the other, I really like hew new minty fresh taste.
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Despite my ultra-stealth demeanor and prodigious talent with throwing stars, I always
Despite my ultra-stealth demeanor and prodigious talent with throwing stars, I always get passed over for missions in favor of these jerks who have degrees in Ninjaneering.
