An elderly woman is speeding down the highway when she sees a policeman with a radar gun. The policeman signals her to pull over, then walks up to her and asks with a smile, “What’s your hurry?”
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosFormat: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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She Wouldnt Be Able To Shes Left-Handed
A young married couple are taking a nice stroll down a long and rather winding road. There was a long way till they got home and there was plenty of time to have a long drawn-out conversation, so the wife decided to ask her husband a question she had on her mind for a long time:
Wife: “If I died, would you remarry?”
Husband: “No, I love you too much to get married to a different woman.”
Wife: “But you love being married, don’t you? So honestly. You’d get remarried wouldn’t you?”
Husband: “Yeah, I guess I would get remarried eventually.”
Wife: “Would you and your new wife live in our house?”
Husband: “Yeah, where else would we live?”
Wife: “Would you take down all the pictures of me and you together?”
Husband: “Yeah, it would be very discourteous to her not to. I’d still keep the ones of me and you in my private drawer.”
Wife: “Would you two sleep in our bedroom?”
Husband: “Yeah, where else would we sleep?”
Wife: “Would she use my golf clubs?”
Husband: “No, she wouldn’t be able to, she’s left-handed!”
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Does It Hurt as Much as Tennis Elbow
A man got on the train with both front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept staring at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after several curious glances, he said, “It’s golf balls.”
She kept looking, thinking hard, then finally asked, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”
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I Remembered Where I Left My Bike
A young assistant pastor went to the head preacher and said, “Pastor, I’ve got a bit of a situation. My bike’s been stolen.”
“I just moved to this small town and don’t want to start off by calling the police. If I knew who took it, I’d quietly ask for it back, but half the folks in church love a good prank and I don’t want to accuse the wrong one.”
The preacher smiled and said, “This Sunday, preach on the Ten Commandments.”
“When you get to ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal,’ scan the pews and watch for a guilty face. After the service, have a friendly chat with whoever looks nervous.”
That afternoon, the preacher saw the young pastor riding his bike down Main Street. He waved him over and said, “Well, I see you got it back!”
“Did my advice do the trick? Was it hard convincing the guilty party?”
The young pastor shook his head and laughed. “No sir, didn’t need to.”
“I was halfway through the Ten Commandments, but when I got to ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’ I suddenly remembered where I left my bike!”
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The Egg Timers Broken
This morning my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.
As I walked in, she turned to me and said, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”
My eyes lit up and I thought, “This is my lucky day!”
Not wanting to lose a moment, I didn’t waste any time at all, I gave her a banging right on the kitchen table!
Afterwards she said, “Thanks!” and returned to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?”
She giggled, “The egg timer’s broken.”
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Deepest Condolences
Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter constantly called her, urging her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Anna said she’d go out but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, “Mom, I have someone for you to meet.”
It was an immediate hit. They took to each other, and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain. Their first night there, they undressed. She stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He was in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?”
She replied, “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning.”
He knew he wasn’t getting lucky that night.
The following night was the same. She stood there wearing the black lacy panties, and he was in his birthday suit. But now he was wearing a black condom.
She looked at him and asked, “What’s with the black condom?”
He replied, “I want to offer my deepest condolences.”
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A Royal Flush Beats a Pair
Dolly Parton and King Charles happened to arrive at the Pearly Gates on the very same day.
They were greeted by an angel who explained that, due to a paperwork mix-up, there was only one opening available in Heaven that afternoon.
“I’m afraid I’ll have to decide which one of you gets in,” the angel said.
The angel turned to Dolly and asked if there was any special reason she should be admitted.
Dolly smiled, took off her top and said, “Look at these, they’re two of God’s most perfect creations and I’m sure it will please Him to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked her politely and then asked King Charles the same question.
Without saying a word, the King walked over to a nearby restroom, pressed the handle, and flushed the toilet.
The angel immediately turned and said, “Your Majesty, welcome to Heaven.”
Dolly stared in disbelief and said, “Hold on just a minute. I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down, and he just flushed a toilet. How does that make sense?”
The angel shrugged and replied, “Sorry, Dolly, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair every time.”
