Another Easter, another weekend spent tied to some guy’s bed performing oral.
Format: short form
Short form comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
If you’re ever of a mind to use a little saliva of your T.P. to
If you’re ever of a mind to use a little saliva of your T.P. to blunt the scratch of it across your ass, you might want to stay focused on the whole “lick, wipe, lick, wipe” order of the event chain.
-
I wonder if the guy who invented the vibrator heard a strange
I wonder if the guy who invented the vibrator heard a strange little voice whispering to him: “Build it and they will cum.”
-
In retrospect, I shouldn’t have screamed and fled the room. I’m
In retrospect, I shouldn’t have screamed and fled the room. I’m pretty sure now that she wasn’t a cannibal after all and was probably just trying to be sexy when she said, “I want you inside me.”
-
You know when you send a stupid email, then have to immediately
You know when you send a stupid email, then have to immediately send another saying, “Oops, I hit send too soon!”? Well, I like to instead write, “Oops, I was playing with my clit and clicked the wrong button!” That way, they totally forget about the stupid email.
-
Lifting up my bra in New Orleans should have gotten me a
Lifting up my bra in New Orleans should have gotten me a standing ovation, but “that don’t help the houses get built!” according to my douchebag Habitat for Humanity supervisor.
-
I was putting on my shoes when my hands were full and I had to
I was putting on my shoes when my hands were full and I had to sort of artfully slip my heel in several times until it felt just right. That’s when I thought to myself: This is a lot like fucking.
-
I’m a pad gal, myself. Tampons are for pussies
I’m a pad gal, myself. Tampons are for pussies.
-
I’ve found that a good way to get out of a boring staff meeting
I’ve found that a good way to get out of a boring staff meeting well in advance is to warn all parties about the potential of a “brutal mudbutt incident.”
