Joke Type: absurdist

Absurdist jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

I rubbed a magnet on my genitals once. My left nut became

I rubbed a magnet on my genitals once. My left nut became positive, my right nut negative, and my johnson pointed to true north.
Women sure are hard to figure out. My new girlfriend makes a big

Women sure are hard to figure out. My new girlfriend makes a big point of telling me she likes really rough sex, then she gets all pissed off about my sandpaper condom invention.
Everybody keeps referencing Jilly G. in their filthy

Everybody keeps referencing Jilly G. in their filthy Ruminations, hoping to score some points so they might get to bone her on the off chance they ever meet in person. Not me, though — I’m far too busy sending love sonnets to Mila Kunis’ vajayjay.
If I had a nickel for every lava-lamp menorah I sold this

If I had a nickel for every lava-lamp menorah I sold this season, I wonder if that would be anywhere close to enough to pay to see Jilly G.’s tits?
hilarious submissions, so here we go… * * * *** * * * * * *

hilarious submissions, so here we go… * * * *** * * * * * * Did you catch that? I just farted in Braille!
Have you ever tried to donkey-punch yourself when jerking off?

Have you ever tried to donkey-punch yourself when jerking off? The toughest part is figuring out which sock puppet gets to do the deed.
When I was in high school, I was abducted by an alien and anally

When I was in high school, I was abducted by an alien and anally probed. I don’t remember what the alien looked like, though, because it disguised itself as my wrestling coach and forced me to drink a mind-control drug from a tequila bottle.
If zombies survived by eating genitalia instead of brains, I’ll

If zombies survived by eating genitalia instead of brains, I’ll bet there would be more than a few living guys who, when faced with an imminent attack, would consider it, then say, “What the hell…”
My girlfriend gives the best blowjobs EVER. It’s not the

My girlfriend gives the best blowjobs EVER. It’s not the penis-in-the-mouth part that so great, though — it’s the part where she doesn’t get mad at me for pretending that I’m Captain Kirk and she’s Mr. Spock.
I’m trying to select a penis-shaped cake for a friend. Which one

I’m trying to select a penis-shaped cake for a friend. Which one uses real gluten-free organic flour, Cockasaurus or Diggly Wiggler?