Absurdist Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

In short, your parents fucked when the triangulation of stars

In short, your parents fucked when the triangulation of stars looked like a ram to some ancient guys and that’s why you’re the way you are.

Dogs need more clothes. Everybody knows dogs love wearing clothes. Buy more fucking clothes for your dog.

Weird how people always say something bad smells like raw sewage, as if cooked sewage doesn’t smell like shit.

Wait, the 70s are over? Shit, I’m REALLY late for high school. Like 36 years late. I’m gonna need a note.

Aluminum foil is a poor stand-in for wiping your ass, but sometimes a change is nice.

Settle an argument: When a friend breaks her arm, it’s the other friend’s responsibility to draw a giant penis and balls on the cast, right?

My gang name is The Toaster, cuz if you stab a fork in me, I will fuck you up. Also, I can lightly brown a bagel like a motherfucker.

I understand. You’re making a bullshit argument because over there in bullshit land, the bullshit trees only produce bullshit fruit.

You saw 9/11 coming? I gave 9/11 the handjob, and you weren’t even in the room!

If you don’t eat your candy corn in three separate color coordinated bites, you’re a lazy bag of shit.