Joke Type: absurdist

Absurdist jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • I understand. You’re making a bullshit argument because over

    I understand. You’re making a bullshit argument because over there in bullshit land, the bullshit trees only produce bullshit fruit.

  • You saw 9/11 coming? I gave 9/11 the handjob, and you weren’t

    You saw 9/11 coming? I gave 9/11 the handjob, and you weren’t even in the room!

  • If you don’t eat your candy corn in three separate color

    If you don’t eat your candy corn in three separate color coordinated bites, you’re a lazy bag of shit.

  • If you think this has been a bizarre week, Blac Chyna recently

    If you think this has been a bizarre week, Blac Chyna recently gave birth to North and Saint West’s cousin, Dream Kardashian. Seriously.

  • Most people don’t know Santa Claus has a half brother, Ralph

    Most people don’t know Santa Claus has a half brother, Ralph Claus, who brings heart-beating-through-yourasshole hangovers on December 26th.

  • Just updated the experience section on my resume after I helped

    Just updated the experience section on my resume after I helped my Wiccan neighbor bury her pee jars.

  • Drank Too Much SJP

    Drank Too Much SJP

    YOU KNOW YOU DRANK TOO MUCH

    When you wake up beside Sarah Jessica Parker…

  • Both Sexes Pringles Can

    Both Sexes Pringles Can

    Both sexes can fuck a Pringles can, but neither can do it well.

  • Dark Side of the Force

    Dark Side of the Force

    Meth user fights off 15 police officers ‘while masturbating in bar’

    Metro News Reporter Tuesday 31 Dec 2013

    The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.

  • This Thing Almost Killed My Grandma

    This Thing Almost Killed My Grandma

    This Thing Almost Killed My Grandma

    Ok. First off, THIS THING IS HUGE!!! I didn’t realize it when ordering. But When every one left the house one day I decided to give it the old college try. The suction cup works well, I had it stuck to my bedroom door. Ok, so when trying to use this it was really big and awkward. I was trying to back against it slowly letting my butt hole adjust to the massive width. I had my I-Pod Listening to “Eye of the Tiger” trying to get pumped for the whole thing. Well I didn’t hear my grandmother come home early and apparently i was making some noise rocking back on this Mega-Dong mounted to the door, and singing along to The Theme Song to Rocky. Well my Grandma comes to investigate and jerks my door open, which snatched the toy out of my butt bringing my sphincter with it. My grandmother Freaks and Slams the Door which POWER DRIVES this thing Up my anus all the way to the base. I’m Screaming in pain, and My grandmother is yelling holding her chest. Next thing I know she collapses. So there I am with a Bleeding, Prolapsed Butt hole and my grandma on the floor. I’m in so much pain and am freaking out worrying that I’ve killed her. So I crawled over to her and pushed her life alert button to send the paramedics, one of which was a new guy and when I tried explaining the story he literally pissed on himself laughing. Anyway they popped an ammonia capsule and brought my grandmother back. She seems ok but we haven’t made eye contact for 2 weeks and my butt is a little worse for wear. And when I fart now, it sounds like a Peterbilt 379 releasing its air brakes