Man, did I ever screw up with my Craigslist ad. My adventurous girlfriend asked me to organize a gangbang for her; now how the hell do I get all these Crips and Bloods out of my apartment?
Joke Type: adult humor
Adult humor jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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The reason I keep going back to Cherry is that she appreciates
The reason I keep going back to Cherry is that she appreciates my eccentricities, like using exactly 2.5 tablespoons of lube, and that it has to be applied clockwise to both my cock and her sphincter, once before and once midway through. Yep, I’m *very* anal about anal.
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Thinking about losing weight, but I’m scared to discover what my
Thinking about losing weight, but I’m scared to discover what my penis looks like. What if it’s hideous?
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I don’t understand couples who like to watch porn while they
I don’t understand couples who like to watch porn while they fuck. That’s like making Little League baseball players watch the World Series of Fucking during every game.
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Business idea: Whore House of Pancakes, for guys who get hungry
Business idea: Whore House of Pancakes, for guys who get hungry after they fuck.
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I took all the money I saved not buying Valentine’s Day presents
I took all the money I saved not buying Valentine’s Day presents over the years and bought masturbation toys. Now I own a solid gold fuck stick.
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Most people don’t know Santa Claus has a half brother, Ralph
Most people don’t know Santa Claus has a half brother, Ralph Claus, who brings heart-beating-through-yourasshole hangovers on December 26th.
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45 Cents
A daughter calls her mother & says “I’m divorcing Nathan. All he wants is 6ex, 6ex and more 6ex. My v@gina is now the size of a 50-cent piece, when it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece.”
Her mother says: “You’re married to a multi-millionaire businessman! You live in an 8-bedroom mansion! You drive a $250,000 Ferrari! You get $2,000 a week allowance! You take 6 vacations a year! … and, You want to throw all that away over 45 cents?”
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Tom Jones and the Siamese Twins
A pair of drop-dead gorgeous female Siamese twins who were joined at the hip saw the ad for the concert in the local paper. One of them said, “Hey, Tom Jones is in town! How would you like to go and see him?” They agreed to go, hoping they might get to meet him.
Tom Jones did in fact notice them from the stage and asked for them to be sent to his room. After a couple of drinks, he asked them if they would be into any hanky-panky, and one of them definitely was, but the other one not so much. Tom asked the other one what she likes doing, and she said she actually likes to play the trombone, so he picked one up from the horn section so she could keep herself amused while he had his way with the other one.
A couple of years later, there was another ad in the paper that the twins saw, and one of them said, “Hey, would you like to go see Tom Jones again?”
The other twin replied, “Do you think he would remember us?”
