What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
One looks up your family tree. The other looks up your family bush.
Joke Type: adult humor
Adult humor jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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One Man’s Junk Is Another Man’s Treasure
Why are gay dating sites so popular?
Because one man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
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I’ve Come a Long Way
It’s been 3 years since I started training for the ejaculation distance championships.
Since then I’ve come a long way.
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The First Few Days Were the Hardest
I recently joined a nudist colony.
The first few days were the hardest.
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On My Own Accord
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic…
But if I’m gonna have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
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Wouldnt Watch That If I Were You
look what I found in my mother’s room
Aye man, I wouldn’t watch that if I were you
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The Little Old Lady and the Two Garbage Bags
A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags rips, and every so often a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.
A policeman notices and stops her.
“Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.”
“Oh really? Darn,” says the little old lady. “I’d better go back and pick them up. Thanks for telling me.”
“Hold on a second,” says the cop. “How did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh no,” she says. “You see, my backyard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, fans come and… relieve themselves through the fence into my flower garden.”
“So I stand behind the fence with hedge clippers. Each time someone does it, I say: $20, or off it comes.”
The cop laughs. “Well, that seems fair enough. Good luck, ma’am. By the way, what’s in the other bag?”
“Well, you know,” says the little old lady, “not everybody pays.”
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Mabel and the Breathalyzer
An old lady with dementia loved riding her motorized scooter around the nursing home.
She reached speeds of 5 mph, but in her mind she was zooming at breakneck speed. The staff and other residents of the nursing home took pleasure in humoring her fantasy.
“Hold it right there, Mabel!” said a nurse, holding her hand up like a traffic cop. “I need to see your driver’s license.” Mabel reached into her purse and took out a picture of her grandkids. The nurse tells her to watch her speed and have a safe trip.
A few minutes later, Mabel is stopped again by Rose, a fellow resident, who tells her they’ve had reports of a stolen car that matches the description of the scooter. Rose asks to see her registration, and Mabel procures an expired coupon from her purse. Rose examines it and tells Mabel she’s free to go. Mabel takes off down the hallway once again.
She takes a wrong turn into George’s room and comes to a stop. George gets out of bed, naked, and walks over to her with his penis in his hand.
“Oh damn,” says Mabel. “Not the breathalyzer again.”
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Warm Milk and Viagra at the Nursing Home
A man was at the nursing home asking his father how the nursing home is doing. His father told him everyone treats him nice, the food is good, and every evening they get a warm glass of milk and a Viagra pill.
Outraged, the man jumps on the first orderly he sees and asks him why they are giving his father a Viagra pill with a warm glass of milk at night!
The orderly explains, “The milk makes them sleepy and the Viagra stops them from rolling out of bed at night.”
