Joke Type: adult humor

Adult humor jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Calling In Sick

    A guy calls in sick to work. His boss doesn’t believe him and calls him back.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The boss says, “You don’t sound sick.”

    The guy answers, “I’m in bed fucking my sister, is that sick enough for you?”

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  • Tied to the Railroad Tracks

    A guy was walking to a bar, and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    He gets to the bar. Friends ask why he’s so late. He tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in.

    Friends give him props and ask if he got head. The guy replies, “I couldn’t find it.”

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  • At the Top of the Cliff

    A woman is at the top of a cliff working up the nerve to jump to her death when a smelly homeless person walks up and says, “Hey lady, if you are going to jump, why don’t we have sex first?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    She yells, “No! Get away from me!”

    So the homeless guy says, “Fine! I’ll just wait at the bottom.”

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  • My favorite sex position is the JFK

    My favorite sex position is the JFK

    MY FAVORITE SEX POSITION IS THE JFK

    I SPLATTER ALL OVER HER WHILE SHE SCREAMS AND TRYS TO GET OUT OF THE CAR

  • Look, either we fuckn

    Look, either we fuckn

    LOOK, EITHER WE FUCKN

    OR I’M FUCKN

  • Gremlin in a green wig

    Gremlin in a green wig

    YOUNG I WAS.

    NEEDED THE MONEY I DID.

  • Walking Her to the Front Door

    A guy walks his girlfriend to her front door after a date. He leans lazily against the house.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “So?” he says.

    “So?” she replies.

    “So, how about a blowjob?”

    “Are you crazy? My parents might see us!”

    “Come on, who’s going to see us at this hour? I’ll return the favour.”

    “Can you imagine if we got caught? Oh my god, what my father would do to you.”

    “There’s no one around. They’re all asleep.”

    “No way, it’s far too risky.”

    “But I love you so much.”

    A light comes on and the front door opens. The girl’s sister appears in her night clothes. She says, “Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Or I can do it. Or if needs be, he’ll do it himself. But for god’s sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom.”

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  • Stop Fucking My Ass

    A priest and a voluptuous young woman were alone at the church.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Ohhh, Father!” whispered the woman into his ear. “Don’t you just wanna come and fuck my pussy?”

    “Good heavens, my child, no!” cried the horrified priest. “Always remember: God gave you your womanhood solely for you to bear children with a man who’s your husband.”

    “Fine, Father,” said the woman. “Then what about if I give you a blowjob instead?”

    “Lord have mercy, my child!” exclaimed the priest. “Don’t you know that your mouth should always be holy and only be used to pray and worship the Lord?”

    “You’re right, Father,” conceded the young woman. “So maybe I can give you a handjob?”

    “I wouldn’t dream of defiling you like that, child,” admonished the priest. “Your hands were given to you by God so you could accomplish His good works. They should never be used for filthy deeds.”

    Then the woman finally lost her patience:

    “ALRIGHT THEN, FATHER!! Then just stop fucking my ass, ’cause it’s hurting me a lot!”

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  • Or Get the Hose Again

    Or Get the Hose Again

    ROSES ARE FOR VASES
    LOTION’S FOR THE SKIN
    YOU WILL BE MY VALENTINE
    OR GET THE HOSE AGAIN.

  • So They Don’t Poke Your Eye Out

    Why are pubic hairs curly?

    So they don’t poke your eye out.