Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Didnt Expect ME Did Ya

    Little Johnnie was late for class, and when he saw that the door was already closed, he opened it and went into the classroom tentatively. He very quietly shut the door and tiptoed to his seat hoping not to get the teacher after him.

    This upset the teacher, who said to him, “Johnnie, is this how your father would have come in — late and sneaking to his seat? Go out and try it again, and get it right this time!”

    So, Little Johnnie left the room and shut the door behind him quietly, as he’d come in. Then a moment later, he flung open the door with a clatter and stomped back into the room with a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. He slammed the door behind him, put his cigarette out on the carpet with his foot and said, “So Honey, didn’t expect ME, did ya?”

  • Put Johnnie in the Fifth Grade

    A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Johnnie what is your problem?” Johnnie answered, “I’m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!”

    The teacher had had enough. She took Johnnie to the principal’s office. While Johnnie waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed.

    Johnnie was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

    Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
    Johnnie: “9.”

    Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
    Johnnie: “36.”

    And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looked at the teacher and told her, “I think Johnnie can go to the third grade, just as he thought.”

    The teacher says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions, and I’m sure you will see the reasons I am hesitant about Johnnie’s advancement!” The principal and Johnnie both agreed.

    The teacher asked, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?” Johnnie, after a moment, replied, “Legs.”

    Teacher: “Ok, you got that right, but I know I’ll get you. What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

    The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnnie replied, “Pockets.”

    Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
    Johnnie: “Pants”

    Teacher: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?”
    Johnnie: “Firetruck”

    Little Johnnie had been studying, and he’d not fall for any of her tricks… nothing would hold him back if he could help it!

    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Johnnie in the FIFTH grade. I missed the last four questions myself!”

  • I Think He Wants to Buy Mom

    Lil’ Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses’ legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Pop, why are you doing that?”

    “Because I’m thinking of buying these horses.”

    Johnny looked worried, “Then I think we’d better hurry home right away!”

    “Why?” his father asked.

    “Because the milkman stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mom!”

  • Rape Game

    Rape Game

    Wanna play the rape game?

    No…

    That’s the spirit

    ifunny.co

  • Blind Man Husband Home

    Blind Man Husband Home

    It’s my first time with a blind man!

    You’ll like it!

    Dear god! My husband is home! Hide under the bed!

    Honey! You’re home early!

  • Where the Hell Is That Monkey

    A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution, “This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before…”

    So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly, “Mmm…that was some good lion meat!”

    The lion abruptly stops and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher than he looks, I better leave while I can.”

    Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes that he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together.”

    So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realizes what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts, “Where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”

  • Ive Never Seen a Smaller Dick in My Life

    A man goes to a urologist.

    Urologist: “Sir, please take off your pants and underpants”.

    The man does so.

    Urologist: “I’m warning you, this is going to hurt”.

    The man says that he’s ready.

    Urologist, laughing: “I’ve never seen a smaller dick in my life!”

  • 458 Days Luggage

    458 Days Luggage

    These people waited 458 days just to get their luggage. Ridiculous

    WE’VE WAITED 458 DAYS FOR THIS MOMENT

  • Eat Her Pussy Cat

    Eat Her Pussy Cat

    When your girlfriend invites you over to “eat her pussy” but then she starts stripping her clothes off instead of cooking her cat

    *cries in ching chong*

  • I Knew Where He Lived

    I scared the mailman yesterday by going to the door completely naked…

    I’m not sure what freaked him out more… my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.