Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • My Boss Is Like a Fine Wine

    My boss is like a fine wine. All I want to do is drive a corkscrew into him but my co-workers keep saying, “Not yet, let’s wait for a special occasion.”

  • Spain and Portugal Fit Like a Glove

    Continental drift is no mere theory; it is fact. Forget about trying to fit Africa and South America together — just look at how Spain’s jagged western border fits Portugal’s jagged eastern border like a glove. Coincidence? Please.

  • My Butt on the Account

    My mouth keeps writing checks my butt can’t cash, so I got my butt on the account, too. Unfortunately, it tends to blurt out my account number at inopportune times, like it did when I was applying for a mortgage last week. At least that’s what I told the loan agent.

  • Taking Out the Bodies of the Previous Owners

    I really enjoy taking out the trash from my new home. It’s hard to explain, but walking the trash to the curb the night before trash day really makes me feel like a homeowner. Especially now that I’ve taken out the bodies of the previous owners.

  • Uncle Brian Takes Monopoly Very Seriously

    After getting sent to jail, I was immediately held down over a table and violently assaulted.

    Uncle Brian takes Monopoly very seriously….

  • Carrots Are Good for Your Memory

    Carrots are good for your memory.

    Get one shoved in your ass and you won’t forget it.

  • Stephen King Has a Son Named Joe

    Stephen King has a son named Joe.

    I’m not joking, but he is.

  • Prince Charming’s Pumpkin Problem

    Prince Charming gets very drunk at the ball and ends up staggering out of the palace and into the Royal Vegetable Garden. When the Queen realizes that he’s missing, she sends all the palace guards out in search of her son.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    In just minutes, the head guard finds the errant prince having a jolly good time thrusting his royal dick into a hole in the side of a large, ripe pumpkin.

    “Prince Charming!” cries the guard. “Forgive me for interrupting, but… Do you realize you’re fucking a pumpkin?”

    The prince stops what he’s doing and pulls back to examine the violated pumpkin.

    “Oh, my,” says the drunken prince. “Is it midnight already?”

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  • Bachelor Party Disaster Meets Perfect Comeback

    A guy’s getting married on Saturday. Friday night, his friends take him out, get him waylaid, bylaid, rolaid, mislaid, up, down, up, bing, bang, boom, forget it, his pecker is a mangled mess, he doesn’t know what to do.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    He takes two popsicle sticks, puts them alongside his dick, and wraps it with adhesive tape. The next day he gets married.

    Here they are in their honeymoon suite… she walks out stark naked… She says, “Look, honey. Untouched by human hands.”

    He’s gotta think quick… He pulls down his pants and says, “Look! Hah! Not even out of the crate.”

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  • Potential vs. Reality: A Million Dollar Lesson

    A son asked his father: “Dad, what’s the difference between potential and reality?” (a question he was asked at school)

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    His father replied: “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”

    The son did this and returned that his mother would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. His father said: “Now go ask your sister if she would sleep with the milkman for a million dollars.”

    The son did this and later replied: “Sis said that she too would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”

    His father then said: “Go ask your brother if he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”

    The son, getting rather irritated, did this. He returned and said: “Ivor also said that he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. I am getting tired of asking people if they will sleep with the milkman. Please tell me, what’s the difference between potential and reality?”

    His father looked at him and said: “This family has the potential to make $3,000,000, but the reality is that we have two sluts and a homo in the family.” That’s the difference!

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