Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

You can have my penis when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

You can have my penis when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. Gun. I meant gun.
“STOP BLOWING IT FOR EVERYONE!!” I yelled at the fluffer on the

“STOP BLOWING IT FOR EVERYONE!!” I yelled at the fluffer on the set of our “Addams Family” themed porno.
“Fuck!” -Misaki, age 8 “Fuck!” -Yuuto, 7 “FUCK!” -Takaya, 8

“Fuck!” -Misaki, age 8 “Fuck!” -Yuuto, 7 “FUCK!” -Takaya, 8 Teaching the English word FORK to Japanese kids is hard.
Wow. I thought she said she was “a bukkake fan.” Turns out she

Wow. I thought she said she was “a bukkake fan.” Turns out she said she was “a big hockey fan.” I guess I’m not getting into her “penalty box” either.
I was walking my dog when a lady asked if the shit pile on her

I was walking my dog when a lady asked if the shit pile on her lawn was mine and I got super offended because I haven’t shat on a lawn in weeks.
Forgot to take my kid to school this morning, in case you’re

Forgot to take my kid to school this morning, in case you’re wondering how nice that woman’s tits were last night.
On the unrated DVD of “Home Alone,” Macaulay Culkin’s mom blows

On the unrated DVD of “Home Alone,” Macaulay Culkin’s mom blows John Candy and his polka buddies in exchange for a ride to Chicago.
Note to self: Don’t make a move unless you’ve heard the whole

Note to self: Don’t make a move unless you’ve heard the whole sentence. Imagine my embarrassment when everyone started shouting at me that she wasn’t inviting me to kiss her under the camel toe.
A friend used the term “life hack” in front of me today. No clue

A friend used the term “life hack” in front of me today. No clue what it means so I just nodded my head and said I agreed his mom is a cunt.
I have plenty of financial help to give to my ex. None of it

I have plenty of financial help to give to my ex. None of it involves another fucking dime of my own money, though.