Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosJoke Type: dark humor
Dark humor jokes, grim punchlines, and comedy from the questionable end of the emotional buffet from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Stop pretending that I cared
My wife stopped pretending to have orgasms years ago. That’s all right with me, though, because it allowed me to stop pretending that I cared.
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Souble Standards
When I’m sitting in a restaurant with a date and she asks, “Do you mind if I smoke?” I always feel like saying, “No, but do you mind if I sit here beside you and discreetly masturbate under the tablecloth?”
Regrettably, I never do, since by the time she gets around to asking about the cigarette, I’m usually half finished and have no intention of stopping anyway.
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I doubt they’d do it more than once
If the company that makes Q-Tips was really serious about wanting us only using them on the outsides of our ears, they’d make the little stick come to a needle-sharp point. People would still poke them into the canal, but I kind of doubt they’d do it more than once.
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Probably something involving bees
If hell is having to watch your worst decisions over and over forever, I really hope they give you a better judgment system than you had when you made those decisions. If they don’t, they’ll have to sit and explain to you why you were wrong. And chances are they still won’t get through to you. Then they’ll have to think up some new punishment. Probably something involving bees.
