Joke Type: dark humor
Dark humor jokes, grim punchlines, and comedy from the questionable end of the emotional buffet from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Furry Trouble in the Forest!
A bear and a bunny rabbit were pooping next to each other in the woods. The bear asked the bunny if it had problems with poop sticking to its fur.
The bunny replied with a soft, “No, Mr. Bear, I don’t have a problem with poop sticking to my fur.”
So, the bear wiped its butt with the bunny rabbit.
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It definitely wouldn’t be this one
I saw a guy carrying a screaming toddler across the parking lot.
He noticed me looking at him and said, “He’s mine. I’m not stealing him or anything.”
Before I could reply, he added, “If I was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn’t be this asshole.”
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He was gladiator
What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?
Nothing. He was gladiator.
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He couldn’t complain
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.
He said he couldn’t complain. -
Just a figure of speech
My friend asked me to say a few words at his wife’s funeral, so I stepped up to the podium, cleared my throat, and said, “Curvy, shapely, voluptuous, generously proportioned, full-figured…”
He stopped me and said, “Dude, what are you saying??”
I replied, “Sorry… it was just a figure of speech.”
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Show it your cross
Two nuns are riding their bicycles through the village when suddenly a vampire jumps out from behind a bush.
The first nun screams to her friend, “Quick, show it your cross!”
“Get the fuck out of the way!” she yells.
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Knitting and Vitamins: Baby’s Best Starts!
So there are these three pregnant women in the OB-GYN’s waiting room: a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde, all knitting baby sweaters.
So they knit and they knit and they knit. Then the redhead pops a pill. The other two gasp.
“It’s OK,” the redhead says. “This is just calcium. I want my baby to have strong bones.”
So they knit and they knit and they knit. Then the brunette pops a pill. The other two gasp.
“It’s OK,” the brunette says. “This is just vitamin C. I want my baby to have a strong immune system.”
So they knit and they knit and they knit. Then the blonde pops a pill. The other two gasp.
“It’s OK,” the blonde says. “This is just thalidomide. I can’t get the arms on this sweater right.”
