Dark Humor Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Knitting and Vitamins: Baby’s Best Starts!

So there are these three pregnant women in the OB-GYN’s waiting room: a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde, all knitting baby sweaters.

Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.

So they knit and they knit and they knit. Then the redhead pops a pill. The other two gasp.

“It’s OK,” the redhead says. “This is just calcium. I want my baby to have strong bones.”

So they knit and they knit and they knit. Then the brunette pops a pill. The other two gasp.

“It’s OK,” the brunette says. “This is just vitamin C. I want my baby to have a strong immune system.”

So they knit and they knit and they knit. Then the blonde pops a pill. The other two gasp.

“It’s OK,” the blonde says. “This is just thalidomide. I can’t get the arms on this sweater right.”

My wife and I were discussing our eventual deaths…

I said my worst fear was dying alone, and that I wanted the last thing I hear to be her telling me she loves me.

She gave me a big hug, said, “I love you,” and then waited.

After a couple of seconds, she shook her head and said, “Well, that didn’t work.”

A morgue worker died today.
But he’ll be back at work tomorrow.

How do terrorists feed their children?
“Here comes the airplane.”
“Here comes the second one.”