To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy.
Joke Type: dark humor
Dark humor jokes, grim punchlines, and comedy from the questionable end of the emotional buffet from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Anatomy Class: A Taste for the Unusual
Some first-year medical students were attending their first anatomy class.
They gathered around a table where a real dead body had been placed for study. The professor began by telling them that every good doctor must have two important qualities.
“The first,” he said, “is that a doctor must never be disgusted by anything in the human body.”
To demonstrate, he inserted his finger into the dead body’s anus, then put the finger in his mouth and tasted it. He then asked the students to repeat what he had done.
The students were shocked and hesitated for several minutes, but eventually, one by one, they did the same thing. Each of them inserted a finger into the body’s anus and then tasted it.
When everyone had finished, they stood there frowning and looking uncomfortable.
The professor looked at them and smiled. “The second most important quality of a doctor,” he said, “is observation.”
“I inserted my middle finger,” he continued, “but I tasted my index finger.”
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Vices and Life: A Deadly Decision
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain-smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, “If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die.”
The men left the doctor’s office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar.
The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself! . His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey.
No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.
His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor’s words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.
The homosexual looked at the chain-smoker and said,
“You know if you bend over to pick that up, we’re both dead!”
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Handshakes: Cannibals’ Party Starter!
What do cannibals serve at the start of a party?
Handshakes. -
Love on the Move: Dating Without Ties
The great thing about dating a homeless woman is you can just drop her off anywhere.
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Check for Alive: Doctor’s Brainy Defense
In the courtroom, the defense lawyer is examining the witness.
“Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
“No.”
“Did you check for blood pressure?”
“No.”
“Did you check for breathing?”
“No.”
“So then, is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
“No.”
“How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
“Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
“But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
“Yes, it is possible he could have been alive… and even practicing law somewhere.”
