Have you seen that potato peeler thing?
She left you two days ago.
Joke Type: dialogue
Dialogue jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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I’m Telling EVERYBODY!
A man walks into a confessional.
“Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. I am 75 years old, and I’ve recently started dating a 25-year-old woman. She’s drop dead gorgeous, loves sex, and is unbelievable in bed. We have sex at least three or four times a day, and each time, I make her scream like a banshee.”
“Oh my! This is indeed a sin. As penance, you must say five Hail Marys and five Our Fathers every day for the next week.”
“What? I can’t do that, I’m Jewish!”
“You’re Jewish? Then why are you telling ME?”
“I’m telling EVERYBODY!”
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What’s the Bread For?
An Irishman stops by the market and picks up two cases of Guinness, a quart of scotch and a loaf of bread.
When he gets home he carries the purchases into the kitchen and puts them on the counter. His wife sees this and says, “So… are we havin’ a party?”
The Irishman says, “No.”
And his wife says, “Then what’s the bread for?”
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Alakazam Let Me Slam
Me: wanna fuck? 👀
Her: Why do u have to say it like that? Its supposed to be a magical moment
Me: Alakazam let me slam
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White Person Spicy Salad
White person: Wow this sure is spicy!
Me: It’s a salad
White person: The sauce is burning me up
Me: …the ranch?
White Person: Ow ouch ouch
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Spice Things Up Bedroom
I want to spice things up.
But you know that I’m allergic to chilli.
I mean in the bedroom.
I can’t eat them anywhere in the house, Alice.
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I Need a Handsaw
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw.
So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.
The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his cock, starts masturbating and points at it.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”
The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”
