Dialogue jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months…
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re both fine. And your brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that’s actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: ….Denephew.
I walked up to the counter and said, “Yeah, I’ll take a Polish sausage.”
The guy behind the counter squints at me and asks, “Are you Polish?”
I’m immediately offended.
“What kind of question is that? If I ordered a bratwurst, would you assume I’m German? If I asked for a Belgian waffle, would that make me Belgian? Dumplings — Chinese? What exactly made you think I was Polish?”
He leans in, lowers his voice, and says,
“Sir… this is a hardware store.”
Woman: Doctor, I simply don’t know what to do! Every date I go on, at the end, I find myself in bed. I am powerless to refuse any man, and afterwards, I keep feeling like a fool and a slut.
Doctor: That’s no problem, young lady. Just let me prescribe you some pills, and you’ll have no trouble refusing.
Woman: What? No, Doctor, I don’t need that. Could you prescribe me some pills so that I won’t feel like a fool and a slut?
A Mormon and an Irishman were seated next to each other in First Class on a flight out of NYC.
Once the plane was airborne and the seat-belt sign was turned off, drink orders
were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was brought to him right away and placed in front of him. Then the flight attendant asked the Mormon what he was drinking, to which the Mormon replied, “I would rather be raped by 12 wild whores
than let demon liquor touch my lips.”
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Same here.
I didn’t know we had a choice.”
