So where were you last night?
I sure as hell wasn’t having sex with little children!
that was a close one…
Joke Type: dialogue
Dialogue jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Rose, What Was the Name of the Restaurant?
Two older gentlemen are chatting after dinner while their wives are in the kitchen.
“We had a lovely meal at that new restaurant in town the other night,” said one to the other.
“That’s nice,” said his friend. “What was the name of the restaurant?”
“Oh, what’s the name of the lovely scented flower that grows on a thorny plant?”
“Rose?” replied the friend.
“That’s it.” Then, turning toward the kitchen, the gentleman called out, “Rose, what was the name of the restaurant the other night?”
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The Vegas Prostitute
A man is walking the Las Vegas strip and runs into the most beautiful woman he has ever met. He starts talking to her, and to his luck, he finds out she is a prostitute. So he asks her,
“How much for a hand job?”
“$5,000,” she replies.
“$5,000?? You must be nuts, no way.”
“Walk with me,” she replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment, ending up in front of a restaurant. “You see this restaurant? I own this restaurant because men pay me $5,000 for hand jobs.”
He ponders for a moment. “Damn, they must be pretty good then. Alright.” He brings her back to his hotel room, gets the hand job, and as advertised — it is the best hand job he has ever had. After he finishes, he realizes how perfect she is and asks, “Okay, that was awesome. How much for a blow job?”
“$15,000,” she replies.
“$15,000?!? You are out of your mind. No way!” he shouts.
“Come to the window.” They walk to the window and she begins to point. “You see those three casinos? I own those casinos because men pay me $15,000 for blow jobs.”
“Fine, how can I say no?”
Once again, it is the best blow job of his life. He is writhing in ecstasy after finishing, and practically in love with this woman. “Okay, I am gonna regret this. How much for the pussy?”
“Come to the window.” He follows her to the window, ready for anything. “Do you see all of Las Vegas?” she asks.
“No way! You own all of Las Vegas?!” he exclaims, astounded.
“No…” she looks down. “But I would if I had a pussy…”
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Who’s the Bald Woman?
Her: I didn’t find any hair in your car
Me: Okay .. so?
Her: Soo who’s the bald woman?
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Fuck Trump Doesn’t Mean That
EVERYBODY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME
DONALD THATS NOT WHAT “FUCK TRUMP” MEANS
