Joke Type: double entendre

Double entendre jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • How Many Perverts Does It Take to Put in a Light Bulb and Other One-Liners

    How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
    Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

    What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
    “How come?”

    What’s the definition of a teenager?
    God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

    Did you hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
    They’ll never see you coming.

    What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
    S&M&M.

    What does Kodak film have in common with a condom?
    They both capture that special moment.

    Define Transvestite:
    A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

    Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
    The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

    What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
    A scrotum pole!

    What’s the ultimate in rejection?
    When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

    Why don’t debutantes go to orgies?
    There’d be too many thank you notes to write.

    What is every Amish woman’s private fantasy?
    Two Mennonite!

    Why is sex like a game of bridge?
    If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.

    Can you say three two letter words that denote small?
    Is it in?

    What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
    A bingo machine.

    What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
    One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

  • Please Pass the Pussy

    The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. “I demand proper manners in bed,” she declared, “just as I do at the dinner table.”

    Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. “Is that better?” he asked, with a hint of a smile.

    “Yes,” replied the young woman, “much better.”

    “Very good, darling,” the husband whispered. “Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy?”

  • I Have a Dead Pussy

    An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, “I have a dead pussy.”

    The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, “Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.”

  • Oral Sex Makes Your Day

    Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

    A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

  • I Had It on the Tip of My Tongue

    Well today, little Johnnie’s class is on a field trip to the local mall to visit Santa Claus. Little Mary goes and sits on Santa’s lap and asks for her Barbie doll, and crayons and what have you. All the kids have their turn and it’s finally up to Johnnie to go up to see Santa.

    Little Johnnie goes to Santa and says, “Yo Santa, if you’re so smart and wise, can you tell me how to spell ‘clitoris’?”

    “Oh Gee Whiz Johnnie!” exclaims Santa all surprised. “I can’t remember now, you should have asked me that one yesterday, I had it on the tip of my tongue!”

  • Better Get a Model That Gets Better Mileage

    Little Johnny catches his parents shagging one afternoon. He yells in, “Hey, Pop! What are you doin’?”

    His father says, “Son, I’m filling your mother’s tank.”

    Johnny says, “Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning.”

  • She Can Only Fasten 8

    The teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

    Mary said, “My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.”

    The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate’.”

    Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated.”

    The teacher said, “Good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate’.”

    Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate” so she called on him.

    Johnny said, “My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8.”

  • Fellow Fags

    Fellow Fags

    FELLOW O FAGS

  • Eat Her Pussy Cat

    Eat Her Pussy Cat

    When your girlfriend invites you over to “eat her pussy” but then she starts stripping her clothes off instead of cooking her cat

    *cries in ching chong*

  • Cucumbers Vegan

    Cucumbers Vegan

    When my wife sends me to the supermarket to get cucumbers I also buy Vaseline so the cashier doesn’t think that I’m a vegan.