Don’t hand me a basket of bread and then immediately be like “don’t fill up on bread,” that’s super confusing and I don’t need that stress in my life.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
-
Basketball Teams Could Score More Points Together
if both basketball teams just worked together they could score so many more points
-
Billy Ray and the Bottom Deodorant
Billy Ray walks into Walgreens and asks the pharmacist for some “Bottom deodorant” for his bottom.
“Sorry, we don’t sell bottom deodorant,” the pharmacist replies, trying to keep from laughing.
“Yeah but I always buy it here,” Billy Ray says. “I bought one last month. My wife gets hers from here too!”
Curious, the pharmacist suggests, “Look, I don’t know what y’all bought before, but maybe you can bring in the empty one of what y’all had next time you come in.”
“Sure thing,” Billy Ray says. “I’ll bring it in tomorrow.”
The next day, Billy Ray walks into Walgreens again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick.
“This is just a normal deodorant,” the man tells Billy Ray. “To use under your arms.”
“Oh no it is not,” Billy Ray answers. “Look here where it says: TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.”
-
The Top 13 Paris Hilton Pet Peeves
13> Those nouveau riche morons who have absolutely no sense of decorum.
12> Can never remember the name of that guy she slept with in London. If only there were some way to make a record of when that happened.
11> Olfactory flashbacks from the Arkansas season of “The Simple Life.”
10> People who ask you to sign stolen towels.
9> Thinking that uncool and/or nonrich guys might be jerking off to her video.
8> Getting a paper cut from the envelope while forwarding your $375,000 Amex bill to Dad.
7> Always had to milk the ugly cow during the first season of “The Simple Life.”
6> Jerk waiters who think they’re better than you just because they know how to read those stupid menus.
5> Andy Warhol’s ghost constantly showing up with a stop watch.
4> “Since that pudge skank Nicole lost all that weight, now I look like a *fat* size 4.”
3> When you go to buy a new Bentley and they don’t have one with an interior that complements your dog’s Prada rain slicker?
2> Caterpillars that crawl in one ear and take, like, an hour before crawling out the other side.
And Topfive.com’s Number 1 Paris Hilton Pet Peeve…
1> No Nobel prize for skankery.
[The Top 5 List www.topfive.com]
[Copyright 2005 by Chris White] -
The German at McDonald’s
A German man walks into a McDonald’s in the United States…
After waiting in line, he finally gets to the counter, and he orders a pint of beer, because you can get beer at McDonald’s in Germany.
An American customer overhears the man’s order, and he approaches the German man and says, “How could you be so stupid? You cannot order beer here.” while laughing at the German man right to his face.
The German man thinks for a second and then he starts laughing uncontrollably. Not just any laugh. This is a laugh so intense that he is struggling not to fall over.
The American customer is no longer laughing. He now has a puzzled look on his face. He asks the German man, “What’s so funny?”
The German man says, “I just realised that you came here for the food.”
