Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Theyre Having a Yard Sale

    One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time, my curiosity got the best of me and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator.

    “Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?”

    “Yes,” she said. “They’re retired prostitutes — they’re having a yard sale.”

  • The Pastor Under the Bed

    A young doctor moves to a small community to replace an older doctor who is retiring.

    The older doctor suggests that the young one accompany him on his house-call rounds so the community can get used to the new doctor.

    At the first house, a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”

    The older doctor says, “You’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on how much you’re eating and see if that helps.”

    As they leave, the younger doctor says, “You didn’t even examine her! How did you come to that diagnosis so quickly?”

    “Ah,” the older doctor replies. “You noticed I dropped my stethoscope? When I bent down to pick it up, I saw a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That’s probably what’s been making her sick.”

    “Pretty clever,” the younger doctor says. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll try that at the next house.”

    At the next stop, they visit a younger woman who says she’s been feeling terribly run-down and just doesn’t have the energy she used to.

    The young doctor nods and says, “You’ve probably been doing too much for the church. You should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

    As they leave, the older doctor says, “I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is probably right, she’s very active in the church. But how did you arrive at it?”

    “I did what you did,” the young doctor says. “I dropped my stethoscope, and when I bent down to pick it up, I noticed the pastor under the bed.”