I cried when my grandparents danced at my sister’s wedding. Because seeing that made me realize they might live long enough to dance at mine.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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If frequent peeing were an Olympic sport, I’d definitely take the gold.
If frequent peeing were an Olympic sport, I’d definitely take the gold. But then I’d miss the medal ceremony cause I’d be in the bathroom.
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Probability that Van Morrison titled the song “Brown Eyed Girl” because he couldn’t
Probability that Van Morrison titled the song “Brown Eyed Girl” because he couldn’t remember her name: 67%.
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I’d have to think giving a woman “nine ladies dancing” and “eight maids a milking” would
I’d have to think giving a woman “nine ladies dancing” and “eight maids a milking” would only impress her if she’s a lesbian with a serious multiple-partner fetish.
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I’m not sure why celebrities cheating on their spouses is newsworthy.
I’m not sure why celebrities cheating on their spouses is newsworthy. A guy at work cheated on his wife and the only reason it made the news at all was because she apparently sucks at hiding bodies.
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Sure, the early bird gets the worm, but the early fish gets both the worm AND the hook.
Sure, the early bird gets the worm, but the early fish gets both the worm AND the hook.
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After four hours of running through ankle-deep snow in shower shoes, pants belted to my
After four hours of running through ankle-deep snow in shower shoes, pants belted to my forehead like a denim hat, and playing “Do You Believe In Magic?” on the kazoo, a fellow masher sledded over and broke the news to me that it’s not called the “Idiotarod.”
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When my 7-year-old daughter opened her only Christmas gift and found two baby teeth
When my 7-year-old daughter opened her only Christmas gift and found two baby teeth inside, she ran upstairs bawling. Funny, that’s *all* she raved about wanting last year.
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I cried because I had no tap shoes, until I met a man with no JAZZ HANDS!
I cried because I had no tap shoes, until I met a man with no JAZZ HANDS!
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I’m not one of those guys who could ever live in his parents’ basement.
I’m not one of those guys who could ever live in his parents’ basement. I mean, not unless they, like, built one.
