Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

I thought I was being so “green” by not wasting water, but my

I thought I was being so “green” by not wasting water, but my toilet bowl suggests I’m more of a “putrid orangish yellow.”
Money is tight everywhere, but there are some things are worth

Money is tight everywhere, but there are some things are worth paying more for. For example, I got this DVD titled “Mothers I Guess I Probably Would Be Willing to Fuck If I Couldn’t Do Any Better And Was Really Drunk And Knew None of My Friends Would Ever Find Out About It.” Surprisingly, it was just awful. That’s the last time I buy porn at the dollar store.
You know you’re an over-sexed guy when you have to quit your job

You know you’re an over-sexed guy when you have to quit your job at Krispy Kreme ’cause you just can’t look at one more fucking hole.
I’m surprised I’ve never seen a Facebook status update reading,

I’m surprised I’ve never seen a Facebook status update reading, “Rubbing one out… typing this with one hand.” Well, I guess SOMEone’s gotta do it.
I think we’re spoiled with today’s technological advancements.

I think we’re spoiled with today’s technological advancements. In fact, when I’m not videoconferencing or web-chatting, I find myself disappointed at not being able to say, “Stop staring at my tits, you moron.”
At parties, people always ask doctors to look at their rash,

At parties, people always ask doctors to look at their rash, plumbers to look at their clogged drain, or investment bankers for stock tips. I wonder if porn stars have people pestering them at parties to pretend to deliver pizza or make that fuck-face look they all do on the DVD covers. I know I would.
Don’t you hate it when you’re masturbating to Christine

Don’t you hate it when you’re masturbating to Christine O’Donnell and just about to cum and Rosie O’Donnell pops into your head?
My boyfriend loves getting my titty pics on his cell phone. The

My boyfriend loves getting my titty pics on his cell phone. The dude in line in front of him at Starbucks doesn’t like it nearly as much, though.
I have a feeling that if a company ever marketed a product

I have a feeling that if a company ever marketed a product called “Bag o’ Titties,” guys would find a way to sneak one into the shopping cart.
The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is

The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is when some housewife naively asks me to make sure that the carpet matches the drapes.