When it’s only been 48
hours and you’ve eaten
your entire coronavirus
stockpile
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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The Coronavirus Stockpile
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A Toddler’s Promise
My 3 year old asked how long he had
to wait until he could stop listening to
me. I told him he had to listen to me for
the rest of his life. He looked me dead
in the eyes and said, “I’ll listen to you
for the rest of YOUR life.” Toddlers are
cold-blooded, man. -
A Doctor’s Diagnosis
Doc: looks like you’re pregnant
girl: i’m pregnant ?
Doc: no it just looks like you are -
They Say That During Sex You Burn Off Calories
They say that during sex, you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.
Who the hell runs eight miles in one minute?
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Goofy Has a Son
nervabeacon
Goofy is the only classic Disney character who has had sex.
Mickey has nephews, Donald has nephews, Goofy has a son.
And he wasn’t adopted, he looks just like him.
Goofy… has had sex.
Goofy… has known a woman biblically.
Imagine what it must’ve looked like.
Imagine what it sounded like.
These are the things I think about when I wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat.
GA-HYUK. -
There should be a summer camp for adults where you just go and sleep for three weeks.
There should be a summer camp for adults where you just go and sleep for three weeks.
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Running a 0.002K This Weekend
If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.
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A Nice Summer Body for People to Look At
I wanted to have a nice summer body for people to look at, but I realized I like food more than I like people.
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Husbands, if your wife does something wrong
Husbands, if your wife does something wrong, just explain to her how your mom did it.
She will appreciate your advice and strive to do it as she did.
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The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.
The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.
