Joke Type: relatable

Relatable jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Buffet Line

    Buffet Line

    Everyone lines up for the main course while the salad sits alone

  • It’s a Date!

    A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a bench. He’s reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly, the woman gathers courage to go ask him out. She walks over, takes a seat next to him, turns and says, “Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward, but I would love to grab coffee with you some time.”

    Flattered, the man responds, “Sure… but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?”

    “Well…” the woman says. “A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing a Metallica t-shirt. They’re my favorite band of all time. When they went on their …And Justice for All tour, my parents took me to see them in Chicago. I was twelve years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Metallica.”

    The man can’t believe it.

    “I saw them play in Chicago too! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Mike and I told our parents we were sleeping at each other’s houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city, and saw them play at the World Music Theater!”

    Naturally, they’re both shocked.

    “If that isn’t weird enough…” says the woman. “I noticed you’re reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He’s my favorite author.”

    Now the man is really taken aback. “Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in nineteenth-century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer. I absolutely love Mark Twain.”

    They both can’t believe it… this has got to be a match made in heaven.

    “Ok…” the woman says. “Well, buckle up because here’s the icing on the cake. I noticed you’re eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we’d go up and harvest the plums with him. He’d dry them and by the time we’d go back to his place for Thanksgiving he’d always have those prunes saved just for us. They’re my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you’re eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?”

    The man puts down his fruit and responds, “It’s a date!”

  • Slip Into Something Comfortable

    Slip Into Something Comfortable

    allow me to slip into something more comfortable ~

    *gets in my car and leaves*

  • It Was Just a Meme

    It Was Just a Meme

    WHEN YOUR GIRL SEE YOU SMILING AT YOUR PHONE

    “Go fuckin be with her if she’s So funny”

    “it was just a meme”

  • Not Jake From State Farm

    Not Jake From State Farm

    When you were talking on the phone at 3 a.m. and it wasn’t Jake from State Farm

  • Birth Control Drug

    Birth Control Drug

    When she crushes up her birth control an snorts it:

    Drug

  • Blue Eyes Job Interview

    Blue Eyes Job Interview

    [Job interview]

    “What are ur strengths?”

    Me: I fall in love easily.

    “umm okay… what are ur weaknesses?”

    Me: Those blue eyes of yours.

  • Granny Watching You Squirt

    Granny Watching You Squirt

    Your granny watching you squirt all over the blanket she knitted

  • BOOB1ES

    BOOB1ES

    ME IN 8TH GRADE

    BOOB1ES

  • Devotionals For Teens

    Devotionals For Teens

    If God Loves Me, Why Can’t I Own and operate a midget brothel?

    Devotionals for Teens