Joke Type: relatable

Relatable jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

To me it was never about “Romulans versus Klingons” as much as

To me it was never about “Romulans versus Klingons” as much as it was about “How far am I going to take this in order to bang a chick willing to wear Spock ears during sex?”
I just know there’s some guy at Google’s safe search department

I just know there’s some guy at Google’s safe search department whose job it is to develop software that recognizes, tags and isolates images of nipples. FML.
I love eating chocolate chip cookie dough from the tube. My

I love eating chocolate chip cookie dough from the tube. My boyfriend loves licking it off my nipples. Win-win!
Don’t you hate it when you’re about to cum and the guy does

Don’t you hate it when you’re about to cum and the guy does something to ruin it? You know, like speaking.
Sometimes you just want a guy to throw you to the ground and

Sometimes you just want a guy to throw you to the ground and fuck the living shit out of you. Other times you just want him to bring you your entrée while it’s still hot.
After 10 years of marriage, my wife and I have a comfortable

After 10 years of marriage, my wife and I have a comfortable routine: I get sex after she goes on a shopping bender, then waits till I cum before informing me how much she spent.
Good: Saying “hello” and getting a smile in return from the

Good: Saying “hello” and getting a smile in return from the lovely maid who arrives as you leave your extended-stay hotel room for a quick bite to eat. Bad: Realizing 10 minutes later that you left your wank rag and hotel lotion on the night stand. Again.
There’s a saying that there’s no such thing as a bad blowjob,

There’s a saying that there’s no such thing as a bad blowjob, but I’d argue that the one your buddy gets from your sister while you’re waiting in the next room isn’t all that great for YOU.
My girlfriend likes to watch me jerk off. Too bad she doesn’t

My girlfriend likes to watch me jerk off. Too bad she doesn’t like to watch me eat Froot Loops and play video games, because that would pretty much cover my entire day.
“Slowly Encroaching Chocolate” is a level on Candy Crush Saga.

“Slowly Encroaching Chocolate” is a level on Candy Crush Saga. It’s also a pretty fair descriptor for the state of my underwear.