I’d like to be crowned Ms. Filthy Ruminations. Instead of a sash, I think I’d wear some crotchless panties and sparkly pasties. Now who do I bribe to get the title?
Joke Type: self-deprecating
Self-deprecating jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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You know when you send a stupid email, then have to immediately
You know when you send a stupid email, then have to immediately send another saying, “Oops, I hit send too soon!”? Well, I like to instead write, “Oops, I was playing with my clit and clicked the wrong button!” That way, they totally forget about the stupid email.
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Sometimes when I’m in the shower, all hot, wet and naked,
Sometimes when I’m in the shower, all hot, wet and naked, soaping up my breasts and having fun with the showerhead, I try and think of ways to incorporate that scene into a filthy Rumination. Unfortunately, no luck so far.
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Those damn IT security Nazis! What I do in my free time with my
Those damn IT security Nazis! What I do in my free time with my laptop is between me and the cleaning lady who digs the tissues out of my trash bin.
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Of all the movie lines I’ve quoted in an effort to pick up a
Of all the movie lines I’ve quoted in an effort to pick up a guy, City Slickers’ “I shit bigger than you” is probably my least successful.
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Something tells me it’s not a good thing when the hooker first
Something tells me it’s not a good thing when the hooker first tells you there’s “absolutely no way” she’ll do anal, then sees your penis and says, “Oh, with THAT? Sure. No problem.”
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(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives.
(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives. Today I’m grateful for the 99.9% of the time my anus knows the difference between a gas and another state of matter.
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Keeping your dignity means both knowing what to say and knowing
Keeping your dignity means both knowing what to say and knowing what not to say. That’s why I never talk about my farts, no matter how much they sound like Donald Duck playing the kazoo.
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“At least you’re a lesser risk for breast cancer!” I quipped to
“At least you’re a lesser risk for breast cancer!” I quipped to the glaring, flatchested feminists seconds before I realized I’d soon be at no risk for testicular cancer.
