[Job interview]
“What are ur strengths?”
Me: I fall in love easily.
“umm okay… what are ur weaknesses?”
Me: Those blue eyes of yours.
Joke Type: self-deprecating
Self-deprecating jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Open Box Before Eating Pizza
Americans: We have the most advanced country in the world.
Also Americans:
[Open box before eating pizza.]
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My Wife Likes Me
LADE HERSELF @ThebigLade
Men truly don’t realize when a woman has a crush on them, do they??
SilverFox @dantwodaughters · 3h
I don’t even know if my wife likes me.
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I taught my testicles to sing the blues. It kinda makes sense,
I taught my testicles to sing the blues. It kinda makes sense, as that’s the color they are most of the time.
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Tip for the guys: If you’re hung like a mouse, don’t get waxed;
Tip for the guys: If you’re hung like a mouse, don’t get waxed; the technician may mistake your member for an unusually tough pube.
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Usually when I jot something down on my hand as a reminder, it’s
Usually when I jot something down on my hand as a reminder, it’s along the lines of, “Because of the infected calluses, use Lefty this week.”
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Pickup lines do NOT work. Last night, eight different women
Pickup lines do NOT work. Last night, eight different women laughed at me and all I said
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If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be
If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be turned down by women I want to sleep with. Over the years I’ve gotten pretty good at handling that kind of rejection.
