Self-deprecating jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
A sure-fire way to win “best costume” at the next Halloween party is to have somebody embed a real chainsaw blade into your shoulder.
Timing is crucial, though — you don’t want to pass out from loss of blood after 10 minutes, long before the costume judging begins, like I did.
I just wanted to show her my memes. Next thing you know my weiner is in her mouth. I’m tired of being used.
“Having too much sex can cause memory loss.” I read it on page 37 in a medical journal in November 2006 at 4:19pm.
I want to have sex with someone who’s as attractive as I am.
That’s why I always masturbate in front of a mirror.
[First day as a cop]
Me: Suspect is dancing naked through downtown
Dispatch: Copy that
Me: I’ll try but i’m not much of a dancer
I don’t know about trees, but when I was alone in the forest and I fell down, I made a lot of loud swearing sounds.
I don’t think I’d do very well on that TV show, “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?”
But if they ever have a spin-off called, “Can You Beat Up a Fifth Grader?” I’ll bet I could score some nice consolation prizes.
