Self Deprecating Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Priests Dont Look

miguel ruiz @maneruiz

You know you’re getting older when you walk past a couple of priests and they don’t even look at you…

6:17 PM – 18 May 13

MehGyver @TheAndrewNadeau

The older I get the more I side with the witches from fairy tales who moved out to the woods and killed someone who bothered them.

Little Johnny went up to his father and asked, “Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?”

Johnny’s father replied, “Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, ’cause I still have mine.”

Me: Suspect is dancing naked through downtown

Dispatch: Copy that

Me: I’ll try but I’m not much of a dancer

MAGIC 8-BALL, AM I STUPID?

Why are my arms so weak?

It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing.

MY FIRST HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL GAME WAS A LOT LIKE THE FIRST TIME I HAD SEX

I WAS BLOODY AND SORE BUT AT LEAST MY DAD CAME

WHENEVER I HAVE SEX, IT’S A RACE TO SEE WHO COMES FIRST.

ME OR THE POLICE.

BEING TOLD I WAS GOING DEAF WAS VERY DIFFICULT TO HEAR

Me: I’m an expert at identifying birds

Her: OK, what about those ones flying over that tree?

Me: Yup, they’re all birds