Joke Type: self-deprecating

Self-deprecating jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Lifeguard Certification Test

    I took my lifeguard certification test the other day, but failed miserably. It turns out you need to do more than just run up and down the beach in slow motion.

  • Sex Best Exercise

    Sex Best Exercise

  • Priests Dont Look

    Priests Dont Look

    miguel ruiz @maneruiz

    You know you’re getting older when you walk past a couple of priests and they don’t even look at you…

    6:17 PM – 18 May 13

  • Witches Woods

    Witches Woods

    MehGyver @TheAndrewNadeau

    The older I get the more I side with the witches from fairy tales who moved out to the woods and killed someone who bothered them.

  • I Still Have Mine

    Little Johnny went up to his father and asked, “Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?”

    Johnny’s father replied, “Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, ’cause I still have mine.”

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  • Suspect Dancing Naked

    Suspect Dancing Naked

    Me: Suspect is dancing naked through downtown

    Dispatch: Copy that

    Me: I’ll try but I’m not much of a dancer

  • Magic 8 Ball Stupid

    Magic 8 Ball Stupid

    MAGIC 8-BALL, AM I STUPID?

  • Push Up Last Year

    Push Up Last Year

    Why are my arms so weak?

    It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing.

  • First Football Game Sex

    First Football Game Sex

    MY FIRST HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL GAME WAS A LOT LIKE THE FIRST TIME I HAD SEX

    I WAS BLOODY AND SORE BUT AT LEAST MY DAD CAME

  • Race Who Comes First

    Race Who Comes First

    WHENEVER I HAVE SEX, IT’S A RACE TO SEE WHO COMES FIRST.

    ME OR THE POLICE.