“Dad, why don’t eggs tell jokes?”
Because they’d crack each other up.
Joke Type: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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And then I saw her face
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face… -
Help me out here
It’s really cool when you and your girlfriend finish each other’s sentences. It sucks, though, when you break up and discover you’re no longer capable of speaking in complete… uh… help me out here…
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The impotent couldn’t come
We recently opened a shelter for the poor, needy, and the impotent.
The poor and needy showed up, but the impotent couldn’t come.
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A brick under the hood
Every time I lock my keys in the car, I’m thankful I had the uncommon foresight to keep a brick stashed under the hood.
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Now I want to break three
I was going through my old stuff when I broke two Queen records.
Now I want to break three. -
Aren’t going to work out
I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up…
Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out. -
Under a buck
What’s the difference between a beer nut and a deer nut?
A bowl of beer nuts is about $1.80, but you can always find a deer nut under a buck. -
Harvard Sweatshirts and Embarrassing Checkups!
Some questions are better left unasked.
A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red “H” on her chest.
“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.
“Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard, and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest.
“How did you get that mark on your chest?” the doctor asks.
“Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale, and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest.
“Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.
She replies, “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin.”
“Why do you ask?”
