Joke Type: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • At The Dentist

    “I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” a woman told her dentist.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”

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  • John’s Birthday At The Club

    A wife treats her husband by taking him to a strip club on his birthday.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
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    At the club, the doorman says, “Hi, John. How are you doing today?”

    The wife asks, “How did he know your name?”

    John says, “Oh! Honey, I played football with him in college.”

    Inside, the bartender says, “As usual, John?”

    John says to his wife, “Before you say anything, he’s on the bowling team.”

    Then a stripper asks, “Hi, John. Do you want the special again?”

    The wife doesn’t wait for him to give an excuse anymore. She drags him into a taxi…

    Then the taxi driver says, “Hey, Johnny boy! You picked up an ugly one this time!”

    John’s funeral is next week…

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  • The Bar Menu

    A man walks into a bar.

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    Upon sitting down, a busty blonde waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.

    He looks up at the menu above the bar.

    It says, “Hot Dog $2, Cheeseburger $5, Handjob $10.”

    He asks the waitress, “Miss, are you the one who gives the handjobs?”

    She winks and replies, “Why, yes, I am.”

    He says, “Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger.”

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  • Afternoon Tea With Cannibals

    Two cannibal friends are sitting together over afternoon tea.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
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    One looks across the table and asks, “Hey, I heard you and your boyfriend had a massive argument last night?”

    “Oh, absolutely,” she replies. “It was dreadful.”

    “So, where do things stand between you two now?”

    She pauses, takes a delicate sip from her teacup, and says, “Well… right now, I’m just letting him stew.”

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  • My Best Friend In Bed

    I came home and found my wife in bed with my best friend!

    She was stroking him, and he was licking her!

    I did what any red-blooded man would do under such circumstances.

    I rolled up a newspaper, bopped him on the nose with it, and yelled:

    “Bad dog! BAD dog!”

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  • What’s the only thing better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

    What’s the only thing better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

    Not being retarded in the first place.

  • Stop Fucking My Ass

    A priest and a voluptuous young woman were alone at the church.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Ohhh, Father!” whispered the woman into his ear. “Don’t you just wanna come and fuck my pussy?”

    “Good heavens, my child, no!” cried the horrified priest. “Always remember: God gave you your womanhood solely for you to bear children with a man who’s your husband.”

    “Fine, Father,” said the woman. “Then what about if I give you a blowjob instead?”

    “Lord have mercy, my child!” exclaimed the priest. “Don’t you know that your mouth should always be holy and only be used to pray and worship the Lord?”

    “You’re right, Father,” conceded the young woman. “So maybe I can give you a handjob?”

    “I wouldn’t dream of defiling you like that, child,” admonished the priest. “Your hands were given to you by God so you could accomplish His good works. They should never be used for filthy deeds.”

    Then the woman finally lost her patience:

    “ALRIGHT THEN, FATHER!! Then just stop fucking my ass, ’cause it’s hurting me a lot!”

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  • The Genie, the Pianist, and the Million Ducks

    A guy walks into a bar carrying a briefcase and an old brass lamp.

    He sits down and sets both on the bar.

    The bartender pours him a drink and asks, “What’s in the briefcase?”

    The man opens it to reveal a tiny man sitting at a piano, playing beautifully.

    “Where on earth did you get that?” the bartender asks.

    The man points to the lamp. “A genie. He granted me a wish.”

    “No way,” says the bartender. “Can I try?”

    “Be my guest.”

    The bartender rubs the lamp, and out pops a genie.

    “What is your wish?” asks the genie.

    The bartender thinks for a moment and says, “I want a million bucks!”

    The genie claps his hands.

    Instantly, the bar is filled with a million ducks.

    Ducks are everywhere. On the tables, behind the bar, hanging from the light fixtures.

    The bartender stares in disbelief.

    “What’s wrong with this genie?” he shouts. “He must be hard of hearing!”

    The man takes a sip of his drink and says, “You think? Do you really believe I wished for a 12-inch pianist?”

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  • The 12-Inch Pianist and the Million Bucks

    A guy walks into a bar carrying a briefcase and an old brass lamp.

    He sits down and sets both on the bar.

    The bartender pours him a drink and asks, “What’s in the briefcase?”

    The man opens it to reveal a tiny man sitting at a piano, playing beautifully.

    “Where on earth did you get that?” the bartender asks.

    The man points to the lamp. “A genie. He granted me a wish.”

    “No way,” says the bartender. “Can I try?”

    “Be my guest.”

    The bartender rubs the lamp, and out pops a genie.

    “What is your wish?” asks the genie.

    The bartender thinks for a moment and says, “I want a million bucks!”

    The genie claps his hands.

    Instantly, the bar is filled with a million ducks.

    Ducks are everywhere. On the tables, behind the bar, hanging from the light fixtures.

    The bartender stares in disbelief.

    “What’s wrong with this genie?” he shouts. “He must be hard of hearing!”

    The man takes a sip of his drink and says, “You think? Do you really believe I wished for a 12-inch pianist?”

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  • I Wish I Could Be You

    I met a genie who offered me one wish.

    I said, “I wish I could be you.”

    The genie replied,

    “Weurd wush… but U wull grant ut.”

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