Joke Type: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • At the Walmart Self Checkout

    At the Walmart Self Checkout

    Whenever the self checkout at Walmart says "insert cash or pay another way." I always push my titties together.

    Never works.

  • The Duck’s Tool Bag

    A duck walks into a bar, puts down his tool bag, takes a seat, and orders a drink. The same thing happens every day for a week.

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    The bartender tells him a news reporter wants to feature him.

    The duck says, “What the fuck do they want with a plumber?”

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  • A Trip To Australia

    An elderly British couple rents a car in Australia. They return furious after seeing a man having sex with a kangaroo and a one-legged man masturbating.

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    The rental clerk says, “Please understand, it is very difficult for a one-legged man to be able to catch a ‘roo.”

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  • The Captain’s Intercom

    A Boeing 777 encounters heavy turbulence. The captain tells the passengers the worst is behind them, but forgets to switch off the intercom.

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    He turns to his co-pilot and says, “Phew, that was exhausting. I could use a hot coffee and a blowjob right now.”

    As the head stewardess rushes toward the cockpit, a passenger calls after her, “Don’t forget the coffee!”

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  • A Priest And A Rabbi

    A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street. They spot a 10-year-old on the sidewalk.

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    The priest leans over and says, “You wanna fuck him?”

    The rabbi turns around and says, “Out of what?”

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  • A Gorilla In The Tree

    A man finds a gorilla in a tree and calls a gorilla removal service. The service guy arrives with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and handcuffs.

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    He explains that he will poke the gorilla until it falls. The Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s testicles, allowing the man to handcuff it.

    The man asks what the shotgun is for.

    The service guy replies, “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua.”

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  • A Dog In Training

    Me: “Sweet dog you got there.”

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    Policeman: “Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog.”

    Me: “Still in training, huh?”

    Policeman: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Never mind.”

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  • The Pussy Willow

    A boy holding duct tape walks by an old man on a bench. He says he is going to catch ducks, and later returns with ducks wrapped in duct tape.

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    The next day, he returns with chickens wrapped in chicken wire.

    The day after, he has a plant in a pot. He says, “It’s a pussy willow.”

    The old man says, “Wait right there. Imma get my hat. I’m coming with you.”

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  • A Hospital Tour

    A public health official visits a hospital. On the tour, they see a man furiously masturbating while a nurse checks his vitals.

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    The doctor explains that the man has a rare disorder where his heart will explode if he stops masturbating.

    In the next room, a nurse is enthusiastically sucking another patient’s dick.

    The doctor says, “Same disorder, but his health insurance is significantly better.”

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  • Dad’s Big Stomach

    A son walks in on his parents having sex. His mother explains that she gets on top of Daddy to flatten his big stomach.

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    The boy says, “You’re wasting your time.”

    When she asks why, he says, “When you go to the supermarket, the woman next door comes over and blows him back up.”

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