Setup-punchline jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
A salesman rang the bell at a suburban home, and the door was opened by a nine-year-old boy puffing on a long black cigar. Hiding his amazement, the salesman asked the young man, “Is your mother or father at home?”
The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes on the carpet, and asked, “What do you think?”
Teacher to Little Johnny: “You’re late again. What’s your excuse today, Johnny?”
LJ: “There was a man outside who lost a hundred dollar bill.”
Teacher: “Oh… so you were helping him find it? That’s very nice of you, Johnny.”
LJ: “Well, not really… I was standing on it.”
I donated my old basketball hoop to the school for the blind.
It will be missed.
A father came home and found his 8-year-old boy sitting on the front porch smoking a cigar. He marched up to the lad, removed the cigar from the boy’s mouth and said, “I suppose you’re going to tell me that you’re sitting there smoking that cigar because you just became a father.”
My friend asked me what the ninth letter of the alphabet was.
It was a complete guess, but I was right.
Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup. As he is being looked over, the doctor asks about his stuttering. After considerable effort, he was able to tell the doctor that it started shortly after reaching puberty. The doctor asks him to drop his pants and underwear, at which point he sees the patient has an exceptionally large member. The doctor picks it up and asks the man if he feels any better. The patient clearly replies with no stutter that he feels great. The doctor tells him the weight is putting stress on his diaphragm, making it hard to move air in and out of his lungs, causing the stutter. The doctor says he can correct the problem but will have to replace his manhood with a smaller but still functional penis. The guy agrees to have it done because he is tired of the looks and insults he gets from strangers.
A couple days later he storms into the doctor’s office and, with perfect diction, asks the doctor to give back his old penis or his girlfriend will leave him.
The doctor replies, “I-I-I-I’m s-s-s-so sorry. I-I-I c-c-ca-can-can’t do that.”
My wife walked in on me watching Internet porn so I quickly switched to a YouTube video on tennis.
As she left the room she said, “Turn it back to the porn, you already know how to play tennis.”
