I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I'm just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you're desperate.
Joke Type: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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A Question About Anal Beads
Yo. When you put anal beads in your girl are you supposed to pull them out slowly or real quick like you're trying to start a lawnmower?
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A Coffee Order
“Some people call me the space cowboy”
*leans in*
“Some people call me the gangster of love”
BARISTA: I'm just gonna put Steve on the cup
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Satan’s Department
Hello Friends, this is Satan. I’m here to remind you that plagues, great floods and, pandemics are god’s department. I just do orgies and metal bands.
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The First French Fry
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE FIRST FRENCH FRY WASN'T COOKED IN FRANCE?
WHERE WAS IT COOKED, THEN?
IN GREECE
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The Old Blink-182
I MISS THE OLD BLINK-182
I’m Joe.
The hell you’re Joe. I’m Joe.
either way, you and I end up deeply in love and raising cats
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A Home Depot Staff Meeting
[Home Depot staff meeting]
BOSS: Someone has been breaking all the wood. Any idea who it is?
ME: [tightening my green karate belt] Probably someone pretty strong.
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A Gift From the Boss
the boss hands me a gun, “you know what to do.”
I nod.
outside, I frantically google:
boss gun why
how to kill
is killing ok
regift gun ok
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Churches and Essential Services
So churches are not essential… but abortion clinics ARE essential. Got it.
Yes because abortion is healthcare, glad I could clear that up for you Liz
600,000 babies a year would disagree with you
I could easily win a debate against 600,000 babies
