There's no way you can get blackout drunk every night, and still be happy with your life.
Me:
Well, first of all, through God, all things are possible, so jot that down.
Joke Type: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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A Pharmacy Cashier
as a cashier in a pharmacy i don't want people to feel uncomfortable when they buy personal products, so while they're paying i loudly ask them "Oh is this hemorrhoid cream for your Friend?" and wink at them so they know to follow my lead
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A Scientist’s Invention
Scientist: …my invention can create matter in all three forms. Gas, liquid, and solid.
My asshole:
You know, I’m something of a scientist myself
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A Question About Firsthand
Writer: "Is it 'firsthand' or 'first hand'?"
Editor: "Either one is fine."
Students get first hand job experience
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Men Who Think Ahead
Her: I really like men that think ahead.
Me: I already drank a liter of pineapple juice.
Her: What?
Me: What?
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A Radio for Sale
Yesterday I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full"
I thought, "I can’t turn that down".
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A Wish for One Day
I wish I was ugly for just one day…
cuz being ugly every day is exhausting
They had us in the first half, not gonna lie
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If I Had a Dollar
If I had a dollar for every girl that didn't find me attractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.
Ooh, self-burn! Those are rare!
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Week Two of the Lockdown
As we end week 2 of the lockdown, I've been thinking about Osama Bin Laden. He was stuck in his house with three wives for five years. I'm beginning to wonder if he called in those Navy Seals himself.
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At the Supermarket
*approaches hot blonde at supermarket*
“Excuse me but has anyone ever told you that you’re blocking the fucking Lunchables?”
