Joke Type: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Harvard Sweatshirts and Embarrassing Checkups!

    Some questions are better left unasked.

    A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red “H” on her chest.

    “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.

    “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard, and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

    A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest.

    “How did you get that mark on your chest?” the doctor asks.

    “Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale, and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

    A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest.

    “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.

    She replies, “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin.”

    “Why do you ask?”

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  • A ceiling rafter

    I found a guy kayaking in my attic when I got home from work today…

    It turns out he was a ceiling rafter.

  • Sir Cumference

    Everyone is familiar with King Arthur’s Knights of the Round Table, like Sir Lancelot. But who actually built the round table?

    Sir Cumference.

  • High-Stakes Humor: Plane Drop Laughs!

    Trump and Elon Musk are on a plane.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Trump says to Elon Musk, “I could drop $1 to the ground, and it would make one person happy—tremendous happiness, happiest ever!”

    Elon replies, “I could drop 100 one-dollar bills to the ground and make 100 people happy!”

    The pilot walks out of the cockpit and says, “I could drop this plane to the ground and make 8.2 billion people happy!”

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  • Bearly A Joke: Legal Trouble in the Woods

    An American lawyer and his Czech brother-in-law are on a hunting vacation in Canada.

    As they exit their tent, they run into a male and female bear in the middle of an intimate moment. Enraged at the interruption, the male bear roars, rears up, and, with a sudden pounce, swallows the lawyer’s brother-in-law whole!

    The American runs for help, calling out for their Canadian ranger guide, who shows up with his hunting rifle. The American points at the male bear and says, “Quick! Shoot him, but be careful—my brother-in-law’s inside his belly!”

    The ranger levels his hunting rifle, takes aim, and shoots the female bear dead! Startled by the shot, the male bear runs off.

    The American falls to his knees, looks at the Canadian, and asks, “Why did you shoot the wrong bear?”

    The ranger scoffs and says, “Did you really expect me to believe a lawyer who tells me the Czech is in the male?”

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  • Condom Conundrums: A Young Man’s Dilemma

    A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.

    The pharmacist tells him they come in packs of 3, 9, or 12 and asks which he’d like.

    “Well,” the young man says, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while, and she’s really hot. I think tonight’s the night. We’re having dinner with her parents, then we’re going out afterward. I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky… and once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time. Better give me the 12-pack.”

    So he buys the condoms and leaves.

    Later that evening, he’s sitting at dinner with the girl and her parents. He asks if he can say the blessing, and they agree.

    He starts praying… and keeps praying… and praying… for several minutes.

    Finally, the girl leans over and whispers, “You never told me you were such a religious person.”

    He whispers back,

    “You never told me your father was a pharmacist.”

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  • A lot of things changed

    When my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot of things changed.
    Like my name, my phone number, and my address.

  • Priorities: Lawyering vs. Giving Back

    A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer.

    The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

    “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

    The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

    Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um… no.”

    “—or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

    The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted.

    “—or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

    The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

    The lawyer cut him off once again: “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”

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  • Ex-Wife’s Comeback: Love Beyond Worn-Out!

    A husband sees his ex-wife on the street. Knowing she remarried, he says, “Hey! How does your new husband like that worn-out old pussy of yours?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    And she says, “He likes it just fine, once he gets past the worn-out part.”

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  • I didn’t know she sold flowers

    My girlfriend asked why I never buy her flowers.

    I told her I didn’t know she sold flowers.